A conversation with the girl I like

No matter how fast we run to catch a running train, we can never touch it, we can never stop it and we can never outmaneuver it. This is how I see a day that passes before me. I know that each day will continue to get ahead like a train speeding on a railway, so instead of counting the seconds, I count my blessings. Instead of counting the minutes, I count the times I have become a blessing to other people, and instead of counting the hours, I count the times I laugh at life. These thoughts managed to roam around my mind for a few seconds as I looked back at the day and see how I spent it. However, it was weird that I could hardly remember what happened or what I did that day. It's like I woke up one sunny afternoon and found myself wearing my school uniform while walking towards the mall with my friends, going through the same old routine that never gets tired to repeat itself after every class. 

Well, I stopped bothering about how my day went and just convinced myself that it could just be another day blanketed by mediocrity.

I looked around and tried to seek something that will make this day different but I never did. Nothing changed at all. Starbucks was still standing on its same spot, serving the best coffee in the city. The Hotdog On A Stick stand along side the mall building didn't move an inch from the last time I saw it. 

Basically, history did its magic again and made things as if I was living in the past. I think the only difference I noticed was the people I saw that day. Unfamiliar faces minding their own businesses. I looked up in the sky and the sun was nowhere to be found. It was probably somewhere behind the woolly clouds playing another round of hide and seek. 

I like it when the sun plays hide and seek because when I find it lonely as a strayed bird in the heavens, I am sure it will find a way to kill its boredom by burning people's skin. 

There was something weird though, as my friends and I made our way towards the mall's entrance. I felt like everything was in slow motion. I was feeling so well I could do a triathlon so there was no reason for me to be light-headed. I felt like somebody had control over what's happening that he could choose whether to slow down or accelerate things up as he pleased. 

I could barely hear the malls usual combination of sounds from people's conversation to the sounds of footsteps.

I didn't pay attention to what's happening around me but as I  glanced on my left, I saw her.

I became nervous. I deemed I had to do something but I had no idea what. 

Should I approach her and say hi? or maybe pass her way, pretend I didn't see her and see if she would notice me and talk to me. 

She was standing alone and seemed to be waiting for someone.

For a moment, I wished it was me she was thinking about but she didn't even notice me as I took my step on the escalator. It was too late. I gazed at her as if it was going to be the last time I'd see her as the escalator draws distance between us. So, I let the thought go and tried to focus on something else.

To my surprise, I heard a very loud shout saying my name coming from nowhere. It was very clear to me.

I looked down from the second floor and saw her standing from where she was but this time, she's turned to me and her eyes glued on mine.

I didn't quite understand what was happening. 

"No, it wasn't me she's looking at, it's probably someone else", I thought. 

I checked the vicinity and I saw no one else. The area was empty. I looked at my friends to see if they heard someone called my name but they never appeared to notice. They were acting weird that day. They goof around sometimes but that particular day, it wasn't the kind of goofing off they usually do.


I continued to walk with them and next thing I knew, she was behind me. She talked to me and we suddenly made a conversation. I could hardly remember what we talked about but all I know is that it was going to be the best day ever.

I told her what I feel for her but she didn't answer back but instead, she wore that captivating smile. I didn't mind her not responding to my question and gave her a smile back.


All of a sudden, everything turned black, it's as if something forced me to close my eyes. 

For a second, I had no idea where I was. There was no light. Not a tiny single one.

 The light rushed in and darn it! 

I turned up to be on my bed, sleeping the whole time.

Have you ever had that moment in your life where this perfect moment came in and as you were enjoying it, suddenly disappeared into thin air? I hate it when some perfect things only happen in dreams.

When I found out that it was all living in my head, I was saddened. I stared at the ceiling and tried to remember the details of the dream, wishing to continue it if I close my eyes again.

A letter from the hopeless romantic

Hey, it's me, erwin. It's not actually necessary to tell you this but I'll say it anyway just to let you know that I'm writing this for you. We go to the same school and we see each other everyday. How are you doing? Well if you care to ask me, I'm doing fine. I have a new and improved set of rules to follow for my better performance in school. You know what I mean, I just want to go beyond what I did from the last two semesters I finished. How about you? I hope you're doing fine in your studies too. We both know how important education is so I'm pretty sure you're working your back off as well. As much as I feel like we're close enough to know more about each other but I think our worlds our sort of apart though. What I mean is that you have your owns set of friends and I have mine as well. Actually, I always get apprehensive when I want to talk to you. Why? Well, probably because I think you really don't talk a lot and I feel like you'd rather stay in the corner and be silent all day rather than converse to a person like me. I remember that one time when I pretended that I'm going to ask you something but actually I just wanted to hear you speak. I was running to catch up with you while thinking of the words to say and when I had that chance, I talked to you. haha. I actually wasn't paying attention to what you're saying but I didn't really want to stare at your face for too long that you would've noticed my true intention. I apologize to what I did. Anyway, I hope this won't sound awkward or anything but I want to ask you something??? Is it ok??? Well, I hope it is. I don't mean anything with this question, ok? I'm just trying to figure out something. Ok, so "Have you fallen in love with someone already?" Someone that attracted you the first time you saw that person. That very person who stood out among all the people flooding your eyes. When your eyes finally meet, you just don't want to keep your eyes off of that person already. Your mind started to paint pictures of that person as you turn your back and walk away. You suddenly realized that those paintings can't be thrown because it's stuck in your head. You're brain started to ache because of the too much thinking. Even if you're on your way home you still think about that very moment just both of you under the spotlight. Well, I hope this isn't too much for me too ask but I just want you to know that I just felt that recently. It was actually unexpected because I was living my life the way I think I should but then you came to my life and suddenly everything seemed to turn up side down. I don't really care about the "love thingy" before because I believe that time will tell me when to fall in love and I just thought that now is too early. I guess you know where this is going. I don't really have that courage to tell you how I feel about you so I just thought to put it in words. I don't even know when is the right time for me to confess my feelings to you personally but I'm really hoping I can do it soon before its too late. You know what??? I'm even contemplating about giving you this letter right after telling you about my feelings, maybe just to get you the idea of how shy I was to talk to you. To be honest, I'm scared. I've heard that a lot of people have gone crazy because they've allowed themselves to fall in love but they failed. After everything they've been through just to keep the love alive, what they're going to get back is their heart broken into pieces and not to mention those people who desperately needed to love someone but all the expectations they have from that special person were all wrong. Little did they know they were just blinded by the emotions they had in the first place. At this point in time, I don't know where I belong. I mean, I have to get hurt to know if I were like those people who passionately loved someone but didn't get anything back or those people who expected a lot but just got blindfolded at the end of the day. I like what I'm feeling right now but I'm clueless where its going to take me and that's what I'm afraid of. It's like driving your favorite car on the road but your eyes are covered. Maybe that's why I still can't find audacity to tell you face to face about the words of my heart. Maybe my heart is just playing around, probably one of the effects of haven't really loved someone at all my entire life or maybe it was brought by hopelessness. I'm not sure. I'm still thinking about it but as for now I am thankful. I am thankful because I never really felt something like this my whole life and it's helping me to sail through my life. I'm just praying that what I feel is right. That I've found the love of my life. As for now, I'll keep the hope alive until I find the answer to my question, "Is this really love because if it isn't then what should I call it???" See you. I hope that time will come that I'll be able to hold on to my guts and tell what I truly feel but I think its too early to admit so I'll try to conceal it for as long as I can till I find the right time for me to speak it all out. God bless you always and take care.