Let's be metamorphic

Definition from: Dictionary.com

Recently, my country has just crossed paths with the meanest and strongest typhoon ever formed this year inciting an unfathomable wreckage upon thousands of people. The aftermath brought about by typhoon Haiyan sent the media into frenzy, filling the news and the internet with so many horrific details reporting about thousands of dead people and houses and infrastructures wrestled down by the storm. Not to mention their irking issues about the government being indirectly labelled as slowpokes by the public and Korina Sanchez lambasting Anderson Cooper with the words, "doesn't know where he speaks of".

It's been a couple of weeks since the storm hit the Philippines and I could use some good news right about now because I swear, if I see another dead body lying on a pile of debris or hear another word from a fellow berating the government again then I would need to break something, either a vase or my irritating neighbor's face. 

On the serious note, thank heavens because slowly, people from the affected areas are starting to receive a great amount of help not only from their fellow Filipinos but from people all over the world. I would personally like to send my deepest gratitude to those who helped and prayed for the fast rebuilding and recovery of the victims of the typhoon. You guys are indeed appreciated. 

Let's jump to the main point of this article. This afternoon I was looking for ideas on what to write on my next blog post then I came across a commentary written by Ninotchka Roska. She's known as a journalist and a literary writer. She's an activist and fights for the rights of women. 

I was amazed by her commentary, not only because it was different, but because it was awakening, well at least that's how I found it. I was stuck in the cycle of belief telling myself that we, Filipinos are very resilient which is true, there's no doubt about that. We can take anything that life hits us, whether a big punch from an economic downfall, loss, or even a typhoon. Sometimes I think we're so resilient, we don't just endure any hardship, we welcome them.

We really are resilient, aren't we? 

According to Ninotchka's commentary(Click here for her full commentary), we are not. 

There are times when we bend but there are other times in our lives when we simply ought to break. When I lost my grandmother who took care of me when I was a kid, I broke and it broke me more when I failed to attend her funeral. When I lost an essay writing competition, I couldn't bend myself after losing, I simply broke. Then I realized, I am not resilient as I thought I was. The most important thing I realized is, breaking is not so bad after all because I realized that I can always put myself back together. The best part of breaking is the next time you see yourself, you're a stronger and wiser person.

As defined by Dictionary.com, being resilient means the ability of something to return to its original form; being able to spring back. Is that all we do? We only spring back? We desperately hanker for the light at the end of the tunnel, only to retain who we once were? If you're answer is no then Ninotchka is right when she said in her commentary that we are metamorphic and not resilient.

What does she mean by metamorphic? 

After going through a tough time, we break our former selves and transform into someone stronger and wiser and I think that's what the victims of typhoon Haiyan has become. I am sure that all of them has broken down after the typhoon hit the country but now that rainbows are beginning to appear ( I also mean this literally because there are reported appearances of rainbows in certain affected areas), gradually, they are restructuring their lives while getting ready to face the world once again with a stronger personality and a wiser mind. 

I think it's about time for us to look at ourselves differently. Whether we're a victim of a typhoon or the usual road blocks we come across in our personal lives, it's going to help to keep reminding ourselves that we're more than resilient. We're not superheroes for crying out loud. We get hurt and we break down but we rise from the challenge, we fight, and we succeed in the end and I believe that's more than resiliency. I completely agree with Ninotchka. We learn from the hardships that we go through, we grow and become stronger individuals.

Stop webcam child sex tourism!

Photo from: www.npr.org

Children should know how to celebrate their life, their youth. They should be outside enjoying what the world has to offer for them. They should be in school molding their minds to become better citizens of the world. However, little do we know, a lot of children all over the world are deprived from those rights. The worst part of it all is that they're being used for self-gratification of selfless and dirty individuals. 

It's good to know that there are people out there who try to put this issue under the international spotlight and pressure the authorities and all those concerned to put a stop to this horrible nightmare that a lot of children are going through. 

While I was checking my Facebook news feeds, I saw my friends posting this YouTube video about a Filipino girl named Sweetie who was able to catch 1,000 pedophiles. My first reaction was, "Woah! That's freakin' awesome! For a young girl to do something like that is unbelievable!". I was at awe while reading the video description. 

I thought the girl was real and for a second I wanted to meet her personally but when I watched the entire video, I found out that Sweetie is simply a product of technology. She's created for one purpose and for one purpose only and that's to catch pedophiles online. I have to say that the idea of putting Sweetie into life is a clever idea. Not only is it clever, it's also an effective trap for people who virtually rape minors online. 

If I could just eliminate this problem by rubbing a magic lamp and asking my genie to do his magic thingy, I'll do it right here, right now without any second thoughts. Unfortunately, I can't. However, I can do something to be part of the solution. 

Right after watching the video, I signed a petition to stop webcam child sex tourism and I beg you guys to do the same. Together, we can stop this on-going problem that's slowly eating the bright future of these children.

You can watch Sweetie and how she caught 1,000 pedophiles here.

Sign the petition here or just simply follow the link given at the end of the video.

When people change for the worst

Do you know someone so much you know him from his preference in music to the food he likes to eat? From his taste in clothes to his favorite television shows? For years, you were able to survive petty fights and arguments caused by either your stubbornness or his selfishness. From cold and physical wars to comical role plays  and toy voice-overs, looking back you see all of them as comedy gold. Who knew the hunger games already existed at the time of your child hood? You try to race for the television remote and whoever gets a hand on it first has the authority to watch whatever he wants to. You realized, it doesn't matter who victors at the end, because he likes what you like. So you would force yourself to deviate from the usual, you would try to watch something different, if not irritate him at least to keep him away then cold war officially begins.

Remember those late nights when you would talk about your dreams and what you wanted to become when you grow up. Those rainy nights when the thud of the thunder would send you hugging each other. You could taste each other's fears but you could also feel strength because you both know you're there for each other.  When you look back at those vivid moments, you suddenly ask yourself, where did he go by? Where is that person you used to listen to the same radio tunes with? Where is that person you used to share your rants with? Where is that person who used to watch the Tom and Jerry Show with you? 

When you look at him today, you see a completely different person. You try to bring him back but he has grown stubborn as a rock. It's not the kind of stubbornness that he used to display when he was a child;it's the adult kind and it's the most irritating one. It's alright when people change because that's what life do to us. However, when people change for the worst, that's when things become unacceptable. The worst part of it all is the fact that there's nothing you can do anymore to change him. You see him come and go, party all night, and be the person he probably always wanted to be. I remember when he used to share what he had always wanted to be. He wanted to be a teacher then a doctor but I don't know what he wants to be now. 

Those childhood conversations could never exist between us today. We're both grown ups and life has treated us differently. There is now a gigantic wall of brick separating the two of us. We no longer see each other eye to eye. I don't even know if he even looks back at those times, when life was nothing but a huge playground. Now, he says his in love and I knew he was a fool when he said that. He doesn't know love and that's because he doesn't know how to love himself. He doesn't know to love the people who stayed with him all throughout his ups and downs.

Now, he believes his independent. Going home late was a normal routine for him. He no longer cares what we think but only what his lover thinks or what his so called "friends" think. I just don't understand how he grew up differently when we faced life under the same strict rules. We faced the same humiliation when people stared us down. We faced the same hardship when injustice gripped us by the neck. It's just puzzling whenever I think about it. When people said, he was a black-sheep. I tried the best I could not to believe them. I didn't see him that way. I guess I was being stupid back then. Now I know why people said those things. 

I don't feel no bitterness, a pure and numbing desolation perhaps. While carrying that weary feeling with me I realized something. I realized that change comes when we invite it to come, but it doesn't mean it has its own mind to decide for us. What change would do to us is only the product of our own free will. With that thought in mind, I knew that he wanted to be who he is today. Probably because of thirst for freedom and independence. I have no idea why he chose to be the person that he is know and I just don't want to care anymore. There's only one thing I'm sure of and I'm holding on to these words. I'm not close to being angry, probably a little annoyed but when life isn't being nice to you and if nobody around you does, you know that there's still someone like me, who still know how to be one.  

Photo from: www.tumblr.com

An essay about failure

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."  -Theodore Roosevelt

I've always known how competitions work, that sometimes I win and other times I lose. Nevertheless, I guess, it isn't enough to simply know what something means. Most of the time, you also need to have a profound understanding of what that something feels like and how you should cope with whatever that something brings. When I was in high school, I've always been at the bottom of the wheel and whenever I was near the peak, I would slide and plummet back down to the same desolating place where I was. I remember winning a couple of competitions, one is a debate competition and another is an essay writing competition, but second best was the highest I could ever be. Whenever I tried to go farther than that, I always failed. Whether it was a writing or a speaking competition, for some reason, I couldn't make my way on top. After realizing that I had become so sore about losing, I completely dropped my drive and lowered my goals. I lowered them down into what I thought was realistic and attainable. Being third or being second was already good enough for me and being first had turned to be an impossibility. In other words, I thought I wasn't good enough to do great things. With that in mind, I decided to dream small because I thought I was small. I thought that this big world that I live in had no place for a mediocre guy like me.

After graduating from high school, I've grown to believe that failing had made me numb. I was convinced, based on the numerous failures that I had been through in high school that there would be no failure that could make me shed another tear. I was ready to face the bigger world, I managed to utter in my mind while I tried to prepare myself for college. When I stepped into a known state university, I joined another debate competition and as normal as the sun rises and sets, I had once again found myself sprawling on the ground. It was nothing to me though. It didn't mean anything to me anymore. I felt bad about losing again but it didn't take awhile before I was able to get over it. In other words, I didn't take losing seriously because I led myself to believe that losing was something that I was good at. It might sound to have no sense at all but I was sadly happy that I labelled myself to be a guy who grew up to be very good at losing.

Not until I transferred to another school and joined a competition called Tagisan ng Talino. This time, I joined an essay writing competition. I was all giddy and shaky while the champion was seconds away from being introduced. For the very first time since I lost my drive to win something big, I felt a sudden urge to win. I guess, I got tired of beating myself down. I got tired of always cleaning the dirt off myself that I got from the ground. I wanted to win so bad. I thought it would be good for the rebuilding of my confidence. Then all of sudden my name was called and I felt like a choir of angels descended from heaven and started singing for me and for my victory. For the very first time in my entire existence, my talent was recognized and that someone had seen something in what I wrote and had put me on top. It was a very nice feeling being up there and for a first-timer like me, I wanted to tie myself up and never let anything or anyone take my away from where I was at that time. My climb to the top was a continuous process until I reached the National level and was declared the champion. I was the National Champion in essay writing. After that win, I knew that God had saved that moment just for me. I understand now what all those failures meant. Those failures that I had to endure was a preparation for that grandest win. All those losing and crying paved way to the highest achievement I have gotten so far. 

Just last night, the same competition came around. I wanted to defend my school's title. I wanted to win again so bad. There were a lot of people counting on me. They added to the pressure that I was carrying all throughout the competition but despite of it all, no pressure stopped me from going far and beyond. However, after all that's been said and done, once again, I found myself on the ground. From being tied up on top, I was back to the place where I lost all my confidence in myself. After losing the title and knowing that I will not be able to compete in the next level of the competition, everybody kept saying that it was alright, but nobody knew how desperately I wanted to win. It was very important for me to keep the title because I was still in the process of rebuilding my confidence and for that failure to come in so swiftly was heart-breaking. After congratulating everybody and telling them that I was fine. For the very first time, I cried. There's nothing in my history of losing that I cried once but I felt devastated that caused me to get rid of some tears that had been kept all my life because of losing. 

After the most difficult night of my life, I woke up with a sense of change. I felt like I knew a part of me that I never knew before. I thought I was going to go back to that depressing place where I would tend to underestimate myself. I woke up and have finally gotten over everything that happened last night. I guess, I am a brand new me  now with a new and profound understanding of failure and of myself. Last night, I learned that winning isn't everything and failing isn't my life's ending.

The most important thing that counts, whether you win or you lose is the experience that you gained along the way and the lessons you learned from the journey.

Mr. Migz asked me yesterday, "What will happen if you win?" and I answered him, "I'll be the happiest man on earth." and then he asked me another question, "What will happen if you lose?", and I said, "Then I'll be the saddest man on earth.".

I was wrong Mr. Migz when I said that I will be the saddest man on earth when I lose. I just realized that a man who loses in a competition, will be a stronger and wiser man in the long run.

Photo from: unsoundtransient of www.flickr.com

I hope for a brand new me

“It’s been awhile, I’m not who I was before

You look surprised. Your words don’t burn me anymore

I’ve been meaning to tell you but I guess it’s clear to see

Don’t be mad, it’s just a brand new kind of me.

Can’t be bad, I found a brand new kind of free.”

– Brand new me, Alicia Keys

     Last year, when some of us settled to believe that Mayans’ had cracked the code to the final days of the earth while others would rather go through the motions of life as if they had a million years permanently planted ahead of them, I trapped myself in a bully kind of life. A kind of life that, for some reason, managed to dictate the flow of some important decisions I had to make. Perhaps because I wasn't really paying attention to the important things in my life and like some other people, I was just going with the flow which I realized is a bad thing primarily because if the flow leads to a pile of trash and dung, you wouldn't know until a swarm of flies comes out from nowhere and starts to attack you. Basically, I was just letting days pass by without caring to look back and ask myself if I lived that day or if I just simply existed.

     Take this for example, whenever I woke up in the morning to prepare myself for school, I never really attempted to fix my bed. I didn't care to look at it even for one second and it might sound a bit exaggerating but honestly speaking, during the year 2012, that year alone, I never, even once, fixed my own bed. Yes, it’s a humiliating confession. I was a 21 year old flabby guy who lets his Mom does his bed fixing duties for him. Well, I have to be honest. I believe that honesty to one’s self is next to an endless freedom. Do I sound like I am sharing a newly-found wisdom or am I secretly covering up an embarrassing fact that I just mentioned about me? Anyway, yes you read that right, it was my Mom who would always dared to get into the battlefield, which was my room, and fix my bed for me.

            

     Another example of my mindless way of living last year, I've always told my friends that writing/blogging is my passion, it’s my life and it’s the oxygen that I inhale but how often did I update my blog? I've always said that I love reading but saving up money to buy even a second-hand book didn't cross my mind and even if it did, the money saved up might have been spent for something else. I've always tried losing weight but I would only last for five days. I would find myself back in the dump of food where the last time I found myself, eating uncontrollably.

     Most of the time, I came late in school which wasn't a habit of mine before, but for some reason I couldn't point,  I always found  it difficult to rise, shine and shake off bed dusts early in the morning. Maybe I should blame late night tennis tournaments and Saturday Night Live Replays or should I just blame myself for making such unwise decisions? The phrase ‘stupid decisions’ rushed in first because I thought that it’s a perfect description about how badly I weigh the options that could either help me in making decisions or break me into pieces the next day. I also thought it would sound too harsh so I used the word ‘unwise’ instead.

     I have a long list of confessions to make but the whole point of this post is to give myself  a big and hard slap in the face to make me realize that I lived in a box of mediocrity last year. I lived as if I had a million years instead of living each day as if it was my last. Now, things are about to change (desperately hoping here). This is a brand new year, brand new challenges, brand new reasons to be happy and hopefully a brand new me.

photo from: dreamsyoudaretodream.wordpress.com

When loneliness calls

When loneliness calls, he realizes how empty and stark the sky can be, even with the clouds trying to be its company. At the back of his mind, he wonders if the puffy clouds are trying to befriend the sky or are they just simply passing by? He feels for the sky. Somehow he could relate to its utter desolation. The vacancy it offers is as vast as the distance between him and reality. That's what happens when loneliness calls. He tries to run away, away from the world that has spiraled him into misery. However, given all his effort and great hopes, he finds himself in the same dark spot. That same dark spot he found when his mom left him behind for work. He was six years old back then, naive, clueless and heartbroken. That same dark spot when people looked down at him with an intimidating and degrading stare, labeling him, Mr. No-Good. A blank look at the night sky craved for his tears. He raised his right hand and covered his eyes. He tried to hold his tears back only to realize his heart desperately longed to sob. 

When loneliness calls, he cries. Appointments and deadlines of tomorrow loses its significance.  The food sitting on the kitchen table and the running television are all left untouched, unnoticed. Mundane chats of his mom and dad, the heavy footsteps of his niece going up and down the stairs and the thundering laugh of his sister are usually a harmony of true joy but suddenly turns into a ball of nuisance. When loneliness calls, turning on the light in his room can't make the darkness disappear. No matter how hard he tries to get back up, for some reason, something keeps pounding him down. He wants to scream on top of his lungs hoping it would shake off even the tiniest hint of hope from his bedroom walls and rub on his slowly decaying optimism. He suddenly grabs his hair with both his hands and begins to pull with all his might. He's gasping for air while the pain from his mindless gesture starts to take a toll in his head. 

He carelessly drops his arms on his bed with an anticipation of a soft landing. With all the commotions inciting a riot at the back of his mind, he completely forgets that the edges of his bed are showing. The effect of his absent-mindedness caused his right hand to land on the side of his wooden bed. A curse to the air and an ear-thumping scream cuts the boundless rhythm of silence that seemed to take over the entirety of the night. A line of tears begin to trickle down his cheeks, curves to his neck and ends up drawing a circle on his bed sheet. He curls his body, wraps his arms around his legs and touches his knees with his forehead.  

At the end of that depressing ride, the voices in his head dies down. The tears that wet his cheeks dry out and the heaviness in his head retreats. He slowly opens his eyes and the rays of an awakened sun push through his window curtains. It's a new day he never imagined would uncover before him. From what he had been through that night, waking up in a different realm wouldn't be a surprise. He lays flat and tries to answer the trivia questions of his life. After doing so, he realizes that it's alright to feel lonely or sad sometimes. 

Finding yourself a million miles away from the world doesn't mean you can never get back. It doesn't mean that the world is already sick of your ways that it had to throw you away. Sometimes, being alone under the spotlight is actually an opportunity for you to evaluate your life and how far you have gotten since the last time you made a vow to yourself that you're going to go after your dreams no matter what. An evaluation of yourself would sometimes lead to opening up your regrets and disappointments and these would probably cause an incessant flow of tears. It would drive you crazy all night. However, the next day you wake up, you find the sun way up in the sky, scorching hot as it always does and a whole new adventure awaits the new YOU, the stronger and better YOU. 

The fat boy who cried

I made my way to the faculty room with a sense that the imaginary emotional fat boy living in the depths of my soul would once again be moved. I hesitantly took my seat and readied myself for an unsolicited confrontation. I was at a loss for words. Composing myself has never been so difficult and for the very first time in my life, I felt like I ran out of something to say. I wanted to speed away and stay forever in hiding. However, I was left with no choice at all but to face the ordeal.

"Are you okay?", he said softly. 

"No, I'm not", I said nonchalantly while nailing my eyes to the farthest place it could be.

Before I knew it, tears were dripping down my cheeks and an army of words was just fighting over which one should come out of my mouth first. Adding injury caused by a perplexing public humiliation, I had to verbally explain myself about how I've been acting for the passed several days with reasons I preferred to have been signed and sealed by me and exclusively contained for my eyes only. Unfortunately, that didn't happen and the worst case scenario slowly fell upon me like a building construction debris. 

Most probably, some of you are scratching your heads right now and perhaps wondering what exactly happened to me that day and what kind of ordeal I had to go through. Maybe a few of you, might have been one of those who happened to pass by and witnessed the whole 30 second circus show. Either way, the purpose of this particular post is not to narrate a story but to let you know that, first, I am an overly-dramatic and bucket-of-tears producing  kind of guy, who chooses to drive away tear causing confrontations in public as much as possible.

Why? Simply because it's embarrassing and no matter how hard I try to keep my head together, I just can't. It would be alright if I find myself alone where nobody's there to judge me.

For most of the guys, it may appear embarrassing to admit how glued we are with our emotional side because we've always been so conscious about our image and how manly we are in the eyes of other people but I believe that some people are really born to be overly emotional about many things regardless if you're a guy or a lady. Some of us are so emotional that a broken toe nail of a dog would send us down to our knees and beg for a miracle of an immediate toe nail growth for our dog. 

If you see someone who actually does this or who already did, then just assume that he's auditioning for a role in a play that requires him to be extremely hysterical about a dog's broken toe nail or he's just simply starting to lose his sanity for some unknown reason.

Where am I going with this? It's funny you ask because I don't know either.

No, I'm just kidding.

I decided not to narrate the incident because I am trying to protect the people who were actually involved. Recalling the story wouldn't solve anything and may probably branch out to bigger problems that I don't want to happen and it brings back all the emotions I felt, mostly were negative emotions. I've had enough of those and I need some peace of mind right now while trying to juggle a whole lot of responsibilities.

And there's one more thing I want to say before I go. Sometimes, we get used to doing some things in our every day life that without our knowledge, it has already become part of who we are whether it's a positive thing or a negative thing. Before we know it, it's already affecting the people around us. How we treat people is a matter of choice, a choice to be sensitive or not and a choice to be respectful or not. 

Let's just say, a person commits a mistake or maybe a myriad of mistakes, talking to him nicely and calmly may not work because he may probably assume that it doesn't matter to you whatever output he gives out.

What if you talk to him the other way around? Rudely and disrespectfully. The person may probably go crazy, lose his drive and eventually give up.

How about if you talk to him, honestly? tell him all the wrong things he did, be as brutally frank as you can to awaken him from his long wandering dream but with respect and consideration.

All I'm trying to say is we just need to be aware of what we say and how we say things to the people that we meet because every person we encounter, is a person fighting for a battle and being a little nicer can help him win that battle.

"Little Things"

"Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me but bear this in mind it was meant to be and I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks and it all makes sense to me"

I still find myself in the state of waiting when I speak of LOVE. I guess, I prefer to wait than to seek, to look straight than to look around. For some people, they may think, it's sad. Honestly it is, sometimes we feel a black hole somewhere in the corner of our heart and sucks out all the bliss existing in our body. However, in the presence of this black hole, I always remind myself that there are a lot of reasons to be happy in life. There are a lot of reasons to smile about and most importantly, there are more important things to focus on. It is just a matter of how we live that determines how much happiness we get. I let each day pass bringing that thought with me all the time to help me keep moving.

"I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile, you've never loved your stomach or your thighs the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine but I'll love them endlessly"

     I am not a big fan of 'One Direction' but a week ago, I was watching the results night of X-Factor USA and they performed one of their songs entitled 'Little Things'. The mellow sound caught my ears. At first, I couldn't make up the lyrics of the song. However, as the song went on, some of the lines were clear enough for me to understand. Right then and there, I knew what the song means and despite the apparent fact that I am single, I felt like I was in love. It is the kind of song that I would sing for someone very special.

"I won't let this little things slip out of my mouth but If I do, it's you, oh it's you, they add up to I'm in love with you and all these little things"

Some people dress up too much just to get the attention of their crush. They get themselves entangled with antics just to get a simple hi or hello. Some of them would go too far without realizing that they're already losing so much of their true identity. Some may be aware how they're turning out to be but they're willing to change everything just to be with the person they love. Others rush in too quickly to fall in love and before they know it, they find themselves OUT of love.

"You can't go to bed without a cup of tea maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep and all those conversations are the secrets that I keep, though it makes no sense to me"

This song of narrates a story of a guy who loves unconditionally. He loves regardless of the flaws he sees. He loves regardless of his partner's insecurities. He loves regardless of his partners imperfections. Most importantly, despite the presence of shortcomings and senseless actions of his partner, he loves her deeply and genuinely. He doesn't tell his partner to lose weight, to go through a plastic surgery just to get rid of the freckles on her face or the pimples that continue to inhabit her face. He loves his partner for who she is and doesn't complain for what she's not. He doesn't see imperfection. Through his eyes, she's already perfect.

"I know you've never loved the sound of your voice on tape. You never want to know how much you weigh. You still have to squeeze into your jeans but you're perfect to me

I won't let this little things slip out of my mouth but if it's true, it's you, it's you, they add up to. I'm in love with you and all these little things"

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that, first, this song reminds me to never change who I am as a person. I should never change the REAL me just to give way for someone to love me. True love cannot be forced. True love comes naturally. Second, is to never try to change the person you are with. The reason why true love came between the both of you is because of the true person that you are within.

"You never love yourself half as much as I love you You'll never treat yourself right darling but I want you toIf I let you know, I'm here for you maybe you'll love yourself like I love you oh"

For those who have already found the love of their life, love one another unconditionally. Never try to change each other but accept each other instead. And for the single ones out there (including myself), PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE.

I suggest you give this song a try and you may probably like it.

Lyrics of the song was taken from this website: www.sing365.com

RESPECT: Do I have to spell it out for you?

When I was in grade school, one of my teachers told me that I was very talkative in class. In fact, I didn't find out straight from her but from my Mom when she came to a Parents Conference in school where teachers talk to parents about their children and their performance in class including their behavior. I thought it couldn't get any worse than finding out that I was labeled the motor-mouth in class but I was wrong. As far as my memory can bring me, my favorite teacher was actually the one who broke the news to my mom and was probably hoping my Mom would do something about me being such a nuisance during class discussions. I wouldn't have taken the incident too seriously if it was caused by one of the unlikable teachers on my list, but the sad thing is, it wasn't. It was caused by the teacher that I look up to, the teacher that doesn't shake my nerves when she enters the classroom, the teacher that was simply nice to me.

I can't recall what my Mom did or what she told me when she discovered my behavior in class but what I can vividly remember is the feeling of disappointment when I realized that I have brought two of the few important people in my life down. First was my favorite teacher and then my mom. I knew that they were expecting so much from me and all I could  to repay them was nothing but a pocketful of annoyance from a seemingly uncontrollable mouth of mine. After going through a painful road to realization, I think it was the first time that I learned how to shut my mouth and keep my late night TV show stories to myself. In other words, I found a more profound meaning to the word RESPECT. It wasn't just about knowing how to say the words 'PO' and 'OPO' in conversing with adults but it was also about being sensitive of other people's feelings. 

I thought when people grow older the more respectful they become to other people but based on what I've been witnessing for the past few weeks, I am starting to doubt if that is true.

There's this class that I attend every Monday and Thursday. The instructor is actually kind enough to let his students make noise in class. He usually continues with his lecture despite a dozen of unruly motor-mouths in the room. It isn't just about the noise they make but for some of them, it is about the way they talk to the instructor. It's an apparent disrespect to those who want to learn and most importantly to the instructor who's speaking in class. I get so irritated that I want to stand up and tie their tongues together and make one big knot. I bet that will teach them a lesson.

And then there's another class I attend every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday where my classmates are not actually as noisy as the other class I mentioned (but they still are and it also annoys me). One day we were asked to copy notes because the instructor wouldn't be able to give handouts for that particular lesson. I looked around and nobody was copying. They were all busy talking about trivial stuff. How in the hell are they going to pass the major exam if they don't copy the only thing in the world that would save them from falling to a bottomless pit? I mean, do they even care about the money their parents are spending for their education? Most importantly, they clearly ignored the instruction that was given to us and didn't mind what the instructor would feel about it.

Some people who may get to this point of my blog might think, "Oh alright, I'M SORRY MR. PERFECTION". Let me tell you, I am completely aware of my strengths and weaknesses and having known my weaknesses as a person, makes me an imperfect person and I'm fine being imperfect.

However, I have one thing not everybody has and that is RESPECT.

A friend of mine told me that I better stop making other people's problems my problem. I actually tried doing so but I just couldn't stop myself from noticing what reality keeps on shoving on my face. Whenever I see situations like these, it brings me back to that very day of my childhood when I was feeling nothing but pure disappointment.

I honestly feel sorry for my instructors who have to go through this and I also feel sorry for those students whom I have no idea when will respect cross their mind. 

Thank you for taking time to read and like what Ellen Degeneres says all the time in her show, "BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER" and by "be kind" she may also mean "BE RESPECTFUL".

Taking a look back

The unrelenting downpour of rain drops from the dusky firmament disturbed the seemingly irrepressible cycle of eerie pictures playing in my sleep. Wishing to be stuck in a blissful dream once barged in my head but logically, hoping so is like wishing for death and I've never intentionally wanted that in my 20 years of living.

Anyway, when all my thoughts scurried a place in my mind, I effortlessly pursued for my phone and by effortlessly I mean not moving a single muscle but my right hand. My phone usually ends up under my pillow after being placed on the side of my bed at night. When I got a hold of it, I lifted my head with such effort to check the time and I saw that it was six in the morning. I let go of my phone, dropped my head on my bed and I was ready for a few more hours of sleep. 

Somehow, I knew what await me today. Having that prediction tied up around my head might  have sucked all the energy from my body. It would probably explain the incessant craving for more sleep and the laziness to get up from bed. I knew that I had to go through the same old motions of the day. I was aware that there were dirty dishes in the sink again, the puppies were as filthy as a pig and my room needs tidying. 

I am stuck in a spiral of mediocrity and the repetitive role that I have to play every day is slowly burying me in the ground of unhappiness and depression.

However, despite the apparent dullness gradually creeping from all sides of my life, I am convinced that nothing is permanent in this world and in a sudden spin of fate, things will definitely change, somehow.

In a few weeks from now, a new semester will kick in. New people to meet and new things to learn. I'll probably be so busy I may wish for a month of doing nothing. So I guess, I'll try as hard as I can to enjoy the remaining weeks of summer vacation and possibly learn to cease any unnecessary grumbling about insignificant stuff.

A Crappy Reality

A few weeks before the summer season stepped into the country, I already visualized how my summer experience would exactly turn out. The final picture wasn't as exciting and fun as I wanted it to be though. I guess that was what being realistic is all about and sometimes reality is nothing but a piece of crap.

FANTASY

There I am, lying on a white satiny sand with a cold mango smoothie in my hand. My sleeveless shirt with a shark printed on it that says "Bite Me" matches my board shorts with bright colors, probably shouting "It's Summertime!". While the sea breeze gently massages my skin, burger patties are on the grill, releasing a mouth-watering aroma that tickles the hungry. The symphony of the ocean water created through its irrepressible brush against the sand couldn't sound any better.  I took a sip of my ice cold smoothie whilst I slowly close my eyes to enjoy every second of this one in a million moment in my life.

REALITY

There I am, lying on my not so velvety bed with a flowery bed sheet (mother's choice) that is slightly messed up caused by my relentless pursuit for a comfortable napping position. My sleeveless shirt with a fading print on it matches my shorts with a pale shade of blue, probably shouting "I'm Bored!". While a gust from nowhere abruptly disturbs the stillness of my room's window curtains, I am profusely sweating making me feel sticky. The symphony of cars and tricycles that my ears tried to ignore couldn't be more annoying. I took a glass of ice cold water whilst I slowly close my eyes and sincerely pray for a miracle. 

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That's why reality sometimes is as crappy as a dog poop. It usually goes against what you really prefer.

Anyway, I may not have had fun this summer season but I am really looking forward to the new semester. I can't wait to meet new people, study new subjects and be a busy hardworking student again. But for now, I'm going to try to relish the remaining weeks of summertime and hopefully do something fun and memorable before the first semester kicks in.

Sensitivity VS. A Computer Game

A few of the reasons why I take joy in going to birthday parties is the food, the opportunity to socialize and most importantly, the fact of being part in one of the most significant day of a person's life.

As a matter of fact, I just attended one today. This time, a friend of mine was celebrating his birthday. His name is Roy and he is the type of guy who loves food more than anything else which may be apparent on his physicality once you get to see him. The funny thing is I asked him last night, when we were talking over the phone if dieting and exercising have ever crossed his mind this summer. He gave me a very straight-forward answer. 

He said NO.

Our laughs seemed to have cut the smooth-flowing dreams of our neighbors but as the laughter faded in the background, somehow, I felt so stupid for asking such question. Well, I thought as a friend, I should have known better. Anyway, at the back of my mind I realized how Roy loves who he is and what he looks like and I bet he won't trade his face and body with anyone else.

The birthday party was modest. His family and friends were there and of course we, his college friends, were counted in action as well.

Roy is going through a tough time. He had to stop school and the worst thing is he has to wait for his problems to get fixed. When I went through the same situation, I pitied myself for not having the ability to resolve the problems of my family. I felt completely worthless and the more I counted the passing days, the more I felt the pain.

And so when I stepped into his house for the second time and right there before my eyes I saw the set of food on the table and the whole family gathering together to celebrate Roy's important day, I felt nothing but bliss.

The moment I took my plate, I was wishing nothing but the best for Roy and for him to have his best birthday ever.

Then there came the crack on the road.

The others wanted to play a computer game somewhere distant from Roy's house. We were talking about placing bets and all. I was with them, laughing, joking around, looking at the whole scheme as a joke. 

Then, before I knew it, they did want to go out and play a silly computer game. They suddenly became serious about it and what made the crack on the road worst was their incessant force to drag me into it. 

It was something  I was not and will never be interested into. 

To cut the story short, they forced me to be away for awhile, leave the Man of the Day (Roy, the birthday celebrant) behind and play a computer game instead. 

I just thought it was childish first of all to replace a friend's birthday celebration that comes once a year over a computer game that can be played anytime, every day.

Of course, I didn't go with them. Deep inside, I got pissed off when they were literally dragging me all the way to an Internet Cafe.

There was nothing to be happy about with their obvious display of insensitivity. Display of insensitivity to me and most especially to Roy.

At the end of the day, I went home alone. I didn't wait for them to come back and just gave my apology to Roy in behalf of the others and greeted him a very Happy Birthday.

WHEN I DECIDED TO PUT DOWN THEIR OFFER, I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALONE IN MY LIFE. I  FELT EVERYONE LEFT ME BEHIND FOR NO REASON. THE NOISE OF THE BIRTHDAY PARTY REMODELED INTO SILENCE. I WAS SWEATING PROFUSELY AND I FELT RAGE THAT I WANTED TO BREAK SOMETHING. I DIDN'T WANT TO CATCH ANYBODY'S ATTENTION. IT WAS MY FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY AND THE LAST THING I WANTED TO DO WAS TO STEAL THE SPOTLIGHT FROM HIM.

IS IT A CRIME TO EXPECT SENSITIVITY AND RESPECT FROM YOUR FRIENDS??? IT WAS THIS QUESTION THAT APPEARED TO HAVE HELD ME ON MY SEAT ON THE BUS WHILE I WAS MAKING MY WAY HOME. IT WAS THIS QUESTION THAT MADE ME STARE BLANKLY UP IN THE NIGHT SKY. 

AND HERE I AM ABOUT TO FINISH MY POST WHILE HOPING FOR THINGS TO GET BETTER  TOMORROW.