Saturday, May 4, 2013

When people change for the worst

Do you know someone so much you know him from his preference in music to the food he likes to eat? From his taste in clothes to his favorite television shows? For years, you were able to survive petty fights and arguments caused by either your stubbornness or his selfishness. From cold and physical wars to comical role plays  and toy voice-overs, looking back you see all of them as comedy gold. Who knew the hunger games already existed at the time of your child hood? You try to race for the television remote and whoever gets a hand on it first has the authority to watch whatever he wants to. You realized, it doesn't matter who victors at the end, because he likes what you like. So you would force yourself to deviate from the usual, you would try to watch something different, if not irritate him at least to keep him away then cold war officially begins.

Remember those late nights when you would talk about your dreams and what you wanted to become when you grow up. Those rainy nights when the thud of the thunder would send you hugging each other. You could taste each other's fears but you could also feel strength because you both know you're there for each other.  When you look back at those vivid moments, you suddenly ask yourself, where did he go by? Where is that person you used to listen to the same radio tunes with? Where is that person you used to share your rants with? Where is that person who used to watch the Tom and Jerry Show with you? 

When you look at him today, you see a completely different person. You try to bring him back but he has grown stubborn as a rock. It's not the kind of stubbornness that he used to display when he was a child;it's the adult kind and it's the most irritating one. It's alright when people change because that's what life do to us. However, when people change for the worst, that's when things become unacceptable. The worst part of it all is the fact that there's nothing you can do anymore to change him. You see him come and go, party all night, and be the person he probably always wanted to be. I remember when he used to share what he had always wanted to be. He wanted to be a teacher then a doctor but I don't know what he wants to be now. 

Those childhood conversations could never exist between us today. We're both grown ups and life has treated us differently. There is now a gigantic wall of brick separating the two of us. We no longer see each other eye to eye. I don't even know if he even looks back at those times, when life was nothing but a huge playground. Now, he says his in love and I knew he was a fool when he said that. He doesn't know love and that's because he doesn't know how to love himself. He doesn't know to love the people who stayed with him all throughout his ups and downs.

Now, he believes his independent. Going home late was a normal routine for him. He no longer cares what we think but only what his lover thinks or what his so called "friends" think. I just don't understand how he grew up differently when we faced life under the same strict rules. We faced the same humiliation when people stared us down. We faced the same hardship when injustice gripped us by the neck. It's just puzzling whenever I think about it. When people said, he was a black-sheep. I tried the best I could not to believe them. I didn't see him that way. I guess I was being stupid back then. Now I know why people said those things. 

I don't feel no bitterness, a pure and numbing desolation perhaps. While carrying that weary feeling with me I realized something. I realized that change comes when we invite it to come, but it doesn't mean it has its own mind to decide for us. What change would do to us is only the product of our own free will. With that thought in mind, I knew that he wanted to be who he is today. Probably because of thirst for freedom and independence. I have no idea why he chose to be the person that he is know and I just don't want to care anymore. There's only one thing I'm sure of and I'm holding on to these words. I'm not close to being angry, probably a little annoyed but when life isn't being nice to you and if nobody around you does, you know that there's still someone like me, who still know how to be one.  

Photo from: www.tumblr.com

8 comments:

  1. Nice read! Ang galing mo! Napa reflect tuloy ako if I change for the worst. Lol

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  2. Oh my God, Kuya Erwin! I know this isn't about me, but f***! this really struck me deep. It feels like you're spitting every word in my goddamned face. Haha! It's not your fault, really. I'm just guilty as hell cuz I know but never admit--until now--that I'm slowly changing for the worst... Anyw, Nice one, Kuya. Prolly the best "winexpression" I've read. 5stars! ;)

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    1. It's definitely not about you gelo and I don't think you're changing for the worst.Thanks for the rating! I'm glad you like it. :)

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  3. I can very much relate!!! How can you be so good! And this really made me think! hehe Sad to say, I experienced the same problem but with this guy I am very much concern about. I just really hope when the time comes and they realize that the path they chose is the wrong one, it wouldn't be too late yet. Well, at the end, we know we can always forgive and accept them, when they change for the better. :)

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    1. Thanks! and you're absolutely right, I also hope it's not too late for them to realize that they're changing for the worst.

      :)

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  4. nice one. I've been waiting for your new post erwin sali ka kaya sa PBO. you'll be meeting nice people dun and we are all boggers.

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    1. Thanks!

      anong PBO??? Hindi ko alam un eh. Pano ba sumali???

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  5. CHANGE.. lakas makaimpluwensya kkasi ng iba :P

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