When loneliness calls

When loneliness calls, he realizes how empty and stark the sky can be, even with the clouds trying to be its company. At the back of his mind, he wonders if the puffy clouds are trying to befriend the sky or are they just simply passing by? He feels for the sky. Somehow he could relate to its utter desolation. The vacancy it offers is as vast as the distance between him and reality. That's what happens when loneliness calls. He tries to run away, away from the world that has spiraled him into misery. However, given all his effort and great hopes, he finds himself in the same dark spot. That same dark spot he found when his mom left him behind for work. He was six years old back then, naive, clueless and heartbroken. That same dark spot when people looked down at him with an intimidating and degrading stare, labeling him, Mr. No-Good. A blank look at the night sky craved for his tears. He raised his right hand and covered his eyes. He tried to hold his tears back only to realize his heart desperately longed to sob. 

When loneliness calls, he cries. Appointments and deadlines of tomorrow loses its significance.  The food sitting on the kitchen table and the running television are all left untouched, unnoticed. Mundane chats of his mom and dad, the heavy footsteps of his niece going up and down the stairs and the thundering laugh of his sister are usually a harmony of true joy but suddenly turns into a ball of nuisance. When loneliness calls, turning on the light in his room can't make the darkness disappear. No matter how hard he tries to get back up, for some reason, something keeps pounding him down. He wants to scream on top of his lungs hoping it would shake off even the tiniest hint of hope from his bedroom walls and rub on his slowly decaying optimism. He suddenly grabs his hair with both his hands and begins to pull with all his might. He's gasping for air while the pain from his mindless gesture starts to take a toll in his head. 

He carelessly drops his arms on his bed with an anticipation of a soft landing. With all the commotions inciting a riot at the back of his mind, he completely forgets that the edges of his bed are showing. The effect of his absent-mindedness caused his right hand to land on the side of his wooden bed. A curse to the air and an ear-thumping scream cuts the boundless rhythm of silence that seemed to take over the entirety of the night. A line of tears begin to trickle down his cheeks, curves to his neck and ends up drawing a circle on his bed sheet. He curls his body, wraps his arms around his legs and touches his knees with his forehead.  

At the end of that depressing ride, the voices in his head dies down. The tears that wet his cheeks dry out and the heaviness in his head retreats. He slowly opens his eyes and the rays of an awakened sun push through his window curtains. It's a new day he never imagined would uncover before him. From what he had been through that night, waking up in a different realm wouldn't be a surprise. He lays flat and tries to answer the trivia questions of his life. After doing so, he realizes that it's alright to feel lonely or sad sometimes. 

Finding yourself a million miles away from the world doesn't mean you can never get back. It doesn't mean that the world is already sick of your ways that it had to throw you away. Sometimes, being alone under the spotlight is actually an opportunity for you to evaluate your life and how far you have gotten since the last time you made a vow to yourself that you're going to go after your dreams no matter what. An evaluation of yourself would sometimes lead to opening up your regrets and disappointments and these would probably cause an incessant flow of tears. It would drive you crazy all night. However, the next day you wake up, you find the sun way up in the sky, scorching hot as it always does and a whole new adventure awaits the new YOU, the stronger and better YOU. 

The fat boy who cried

I made my way to the faculty room with a sense that the imaginary emotional fat boy living in the depths of my soul would once again be moved. I hesitantly took my seat and readied myself for an unsolicited confrontation. I was at a loss for words. Composing myself has never been so difficult and for the very first time in my life, I felt like I ran out of something to say. I wanted to speed away and stay forever in hiding. However, I was left with no choice at all but to face the ordeal.

"Are you okay?", he said softly. 

"No, I'm not", I said nonchalantly while nailing my eyes to the farthest place it could be.

Before I knew it, tears were dripping down my cheeks and an army of words was just fighting over which one should come out of my mouth first. Adding injury caused by a perplexing public humiliation, I had to verbally explain myself about how I've been acting for the passed several days with reasons I preferred to have been signed and sealed by me and exclusively contained for my eyes only. Unfortunately, that didn't happen and the worst case scenario slowly fell upon me like a building construction debris. 

Most probably, some of you are scratching your heads right now and perhaps wondering what exactly happened to me that day and what kind of ordeal I had to go through. Maybe a few of you, might have been one of those who happened to pass by and witnessed the whole 30 second circus show. Either way, the purpose of this particular post is not to narrate a story but to let you know that, first, I am an overly-dramatic and bucket-of-tears producing  kind of guy, who chooses to drive away tear causing confrontations in public as much as possible.

Why? Simply because it's embarrassing and no matter how hard I try to keep my head together, I just can't. It would be alright if I find myself alone where nobody's there to judge me.

For most of the guys, it may appear embarrassing to admit how glued we are with our emotional side because we've always been so conscious about our image and how manly we are in the eyes of other people but I believe that some people are really born to be overly emotional about many things regardless if you're a guy or a lady. Some of us are so emotional that a broken toe nail of a dog would send us down to our knees and beg for a miracle of an immediate toe nail growth for our dog. 

If you see someone who actually does this or who already did, then just assume that he's auditioning for a role in a play that requires him to be extremely hysterical about a dog's broken toe nail or he's just simply starting to lose his sanity for some unknown reason.

Where am I going with this? It's funny you ask because I don't know either.

No, I'm just kidding.

I decided not to narrate the incident because I am trying to protect the people who were actually involved. Recalling the story wouldn't solve anything and may probably branch out to bigger problems that I don't want to happen and it brings back all the emotions I felt, mostly were negative emotions. I've had enough of those and I need some peace of mind right now while trying to juggle a whole lot of responsibilities.

And there's one more thing I want to say before I go. Sometimes, we get used to doing some things in our every day life that without our knowledge, it has already become part of who we are whether it's a positive thing or a negative thing. Before we know it, it's already affecting the people around us. How we treat people is a matter of choice, a choice to be sensitive or not and a choice to be respectful or not. 

Let's just say, a person commits a mistake or maybe a myriad of mistakes, talking to him nicely and calmly may not work because he may probably assume that it doesn't matter to you whatever output he gives out.

What if you talk to him the other way around? Rudely and disrespectfully. The person may probably go crazy, lose his drive and eventually give up.

How about if you talk to him, honestly? tell him all the wrong things he did, be as brutally frank as you can to awaken him from his long wandering dream but with respect and consideration.

All I'm trying to say is we just need to be aware of what we say and how we say things to the people that we meet because every person we encounter, is a person fighting for a battle and being a little nicer can help him win that battle.

"Little Things"

"Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me but bear this in mind it was meant to be and I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks and it all makes sense to me"

I still find myself in the state of waiting when I speak of LOVE. I guess, I prefer to wait than to seek, to look straight than to look around. For some people, they may think, it's sad. Honestly it is, sometimes we feel a black hole somewhere in the corner of our heart and sucks out all the bliss existing in our body. However, in the presence of this black hole, I always remind myself that there are a lot of reasons to be happy in life. There are a lot of reasons to smile about and most importantly, there are more important things to focus on. It is just a matter of how we live that determines how much happiness we get. I let each day pass bringing that thought with me all the time to help me keep moving.

"I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile, you've never loved your stomach or your thighs the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine but I'll love them endlessly"

     I am not a big fan of 'One Direction' but a week ago, I was watching the results night of X-Factor USA and they performed one of their songs entitled 'Little Things'. The mellow sound caught my ears. At first, I couldn't make up the lyrics of the song. However, as the song went on, some of the lines were clear enough for me to understand. Right then and there, I knew what the song means and despite the apparent fact that I am single, I felt like I was in love. It is the kind of song that I would sing for someone very special.

"I won't let this little things slip out of my mouth but If I do, it's you, oh it's you, they add up to I'm in love with you and all these little things"

Some people dress up too much just to get the attention of their crush. They get themselves entangled with antics just to get a simple hi or hello. Some of them would go too far without realizing that they're already losing so much of their true identity. Some may be aware how they're turning out to be but they're willing to change everything just to be with the person they love. Others rush in too quickly to fall in love and before they know it, they find themselves OUT of love.

"You can't go to bed without a cup of tea maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep and all those conversations are the secrets that I keep, though it makes no sense to me"

This song of narrates a story of a guy who loves unconditionally. He loves regardless of the flaws he sees. He loves regardless of his partner's insecurities. He loves regardless of his partners imperfections. Most importantly, despite the presence of shortcomings and senseless actions of his partner, he loves her deeply and genuinely. He doesn't tell his partner to lose weight, to go through a plastic surgery just to get rid of the freckles on her face or the pimples that continue to inhabit her face. He loves his partner for who she is and doesn't complain for what she's not. He doesn't see imperfection. Through his eyes, she's already perfect.

"I know you've never loved the sound of your voice on tape. You never want to know how much you weigh. You still have to squeeze into your jeans but you're perfect to me

I won't let this little things slip out of my mouth but if it's true, it's you, it's you, they add up to. I'm in love with you and all these little things"

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that, first, this song reminds me to never change who I am as a person. I should never change the REAL me just to give way for someone to love me. True love cannot be forced. True love comes naturally. Second, is to never try to change the person you are with. The reason why true love came between the both of you is because of the true person that you are within.

"You never love yourself half as much as I love you You'll never treat yourself right darling but I want you toIf I let you know, I'm here for you maybe you'll love yourself like I love you oh"

For those who have already found the love of their life, love one another unconditionally. Never try to change each other but accept each other instead. And for the single ones out there (including myself), PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE.

I suggest you give this song a try and you may probably like it.

Lyrics of the song was taken from this website: www.sing365.com

I am braver now

     It's been almost a month since my last post.  Apparently, school has once again took over my entire life that blogging seemed to have been out of reach but I'm glad I have time now. 

    Semestral break came in a week ago but I can't believe I wrote a post just today. The coming of my tireless and sugar-driven 2 year old nephew who storms into my room without permission should take half of the blame. But then again, a child is a child or should I say, a high-powered child is a high-powered child and we can't do anything about it but to let them be. Unless, we lock them up inside a highly-secured facility with contraptions that can suck the fun out of a child's body. 

      Anyway, let me tell you, it was a rocky semester for me and by rocky I mean, there were really a lot of stumbles that happened to me but of course, I didn't stay on the ground for long. One bad thing about falling is you taste how bitter the ground is but the good thing about having dirt rub against your tongue is the fact that it makes you want to avoid the reason why you fell in the first place once you get back up. Or, you may have just learned that the next time you fall, just don't open your mouth.  

     As you go further in life, the deeper you know yourself and you become more confident in the decisions you make in life regardless of how wrong or right your decision may seem. 

    Remember that day when you were a child, the very first time you slid down on a slide. Probably the one in a playground or the one in the public swimming pool. There were a lot of things going on inside your head or in your stomach. You were thinking of possible consequences of what might happen once you slide down. If you were around three to four years old, you might not be thinking of possible effects of your action that you might regret in the future, but somewhere in the corner of that particular situation, you knew that you felt fear; fear was so close to your face you thought you could touch it. 

     Despite the army of fear trying to take over your whole body, you closed your eyes and still slid down. By the moment you touched the ground, the fear that was once trying to boss you around on top of that slide, somehow found its way out of you. All of a sudden, excitement stung you in the butt and you wanted to do it again. You decided to do it over and over again. You decided to climb up the slide without apprehensions. You decided to slide down without knowing that you wiped out all the dirt off the slide. You decided to slide down fearless of how your Mom will react once she saw your filthy white shorts.  You decided to slide down without your slippers on and forgetting how much your Mom hates it when you play barefoot. 

     Every day we make decisions in our lives whether you're a kid, a teenager, a young adult or an adult. Sometimes, we stink at making good decisions and sometimes we're not.

    What I've learned about myself from this past semester is that I have become more courageous making decisions for myself. I used to have fear behind every decision I make. I used to have so many apprehensions. I used to fear going down that slide. For some reason, I have more courage now. At the back of my mind, consequences are waiting on the other end  that used to scare me but I am less worried now as compared to who I was before. I still made some bad calls and I felt bad about them but not as bad as before. 

      I felt I have grown so much, not just physically but emotionally, mentally and spiritually and I feel great because of that. It just goes to show how ready I am of facing whatever awaits me in the future. I may not be the best decision-maker in the world and my decisions may still cause me to fall on the ground with my mouth open and once again, taste how bitter the ground is but it doesn't mean I can't decide to get back up and continue moving forward.

       It's my life and it's my call.

The Telephone

The rain was soaking up the dried up land that one breezy morning.

I was convinced that I needed more time to stay on my bed based on how slow it took for me to put on my slippers. I decided to sit, hoping it would shake off the heaviness in my head. My eyes were still closed and the infinite darkness that appeared to be so hypnotizing intensified my craving for more sleep. I was ready to fall back any time but I guess, the thought of school responsibilities might have hindered me to be cozy with my pillow again.

Sometimes, I just don't understand my decision-making skills. I choose to stay up until midnight and enjoy late night television shows, regret the decision the morning after and promise myself not do it again. The next thing I know, I find myself munching a snack I found in the fridge at 10 in the evening while watching the Ellen DeGeneres Show in my room.  

Anyway, going back to that day, I realized that the faster the rain drops fell, the slower my movements became. I forced my body to get up and lazily motioned my way to my bedroom door. 

Even turning the door knob seemed so difficult that time. 

I made my way to the kitchen table to make myself a hot cup of coffee. There was my mom, who probably woke up an hour earlier than me (as usual).

Morning conversations with my mom usually starts by my initiative to ask the time she slept and the the time she woke up or whether Dad's going to go to work or not and that's probably it.

Sometimes she would talk about my youngest sister or our friendly neighbor or anything she thought of discussing about. Other times, it's just a silent morning for the next couple of hours.

However, the silence that I assumed would blanket the rest of my morning disappeared.

I was sitting by the window in the dining table, staring at the farthest distance my eyes could take me when our home phone suddenly made a loud beep accompanied by a scratching sound. The sound interfering the beep was similar to an old school radio when you try to change station. And there's one more thing, while the phone was irregularly beeping, which it doesn't normally do, the red light was turned on. 

What made things more far-out is that the red light only turns on when somebody's using the phone and clearly, nobody was using the phone at that time.

I looked at our phone right away baffled by the perplexing tone coming from it. Somehow, it reminded me of the recorder paranormal experts use when they try to communicate with unseen ghosts.  The sound lasted for a few seconds before it gave way to a creepy kind of silence that masked not only our house but also both my Mom and I's faces.

We both looked at each other in the eyes trying to put the puzzle pieces together. I knew what my Mom was thinking however, I didn't want to jump to conclusions right away and still tried to make logical judgement as to what might have caused the phone to make such a scary sound.

First of all, it wasn't an incoming call because if it was then it would've made a ringing sound instead (of course). Mom added that if it was a call then it shouldn't have produced any sound since the phone was on mute. 

I tried calling the phone using my Mom's cell phone and indeed, it didn't make a sound. I checked the bottom side of the phone where the mute switch is located and that made me more convinced that something out of the norm just happened. The phone was really on mute.

There are two ways to turn the red light of the phone on, either you lift the handset up or you press the loudspeaker button. 

Nobody was there to lift it up or else my Mom and I would've seen it. On the same note, nobody was there to press the loud speaker button. My dad and my youngest sister were still asleep at that time.

I was thinking, maybe, the telephone company was just trying to pull a prank. With that thought in mind, it made me think that maybe, they have a way of making weird phone noises or switching the red light of the phone on without having to lift the handset or pressing the loudspeaker button that will make people think that it's the cause of some sort of paranormal entity.

Or maybe, just maybe, there was really something who played with the phone.

I guess, I'll never know unless someone can enlighten me and explain how that strange incident happened.

I do believe in ghosts and I also believe they roam around in the world of the living despite the fact that I haven't actually seen one. 

Nevertheless, I do want to stick with possible logical or scientific explanations to these kinds of incidents.

For now, I am still floating around the universe with these questions in mind.

How did the phone make that long and loud beep with a scratching sound? 

How did the red light turn on without the handset being lifted up or the loudspeaker button being pressed?

The Rain

Under the pouring rain, you brought voice to three silent words

That swept desolation away and so I thanked the Lord

For the care I get from you and the love I can't construe

Forever I will treasure this moment I had with you

Under the pouring rain, you grabbed the chance to touch my face
Your hand was gentle, it sent my heart to a quicker pace
I looked deeply into your eyes and saw bleakness was there
Your tired eyes were filling up with tears I just couldn't bear

Under the pouring rain, your tears raised a question in me
"Is this the end of us?", a question that weakened my knees
Heaven's tears fell harder while I waited for your answer
I gripped your hands tightly hoping it would make me braver

Under the pouring rain, the unwanted truth was revealed
You had to go and leave, a fact that I couldn't perceive
Your words grabbed me around the neck and I just couldn't breathe
I let go of your hands because I could hardly believe

Under the pouring rain, your reasoning deafened my ears
I tried to compose myself but I couldn't hold my tears
They trickled down my cheeks while I struggled to understand
Your despairing farewell that I couldn't take like a man

Under the pouring rain, you stepped back with a heavy sigh
I knew right then and there, it's time for you to bid goodbye
To speak was my goal but to pack your bags was in your soul
So how could I stop you from leaving me here wet and cold?

Under the pouring rain, a life lesson revolved around
Around my head it turned, a love's lesson that's so profound
There's nothing or no one permanent in this world of ours
Even the clouds above and the universe's shining stars

Under the pouring rain, I'm sure I will never forget
The ups and downs we shared and the first time we ever met
Now, I travel alone and I'm scared to find my own way
But with the love we shared, I bet I'll never go astray

-ers

     Finally, after wrestling with the romantic and poetic side of me for the past few days, another poem is born. I'm still trying to figure out why I constantly choose love to be the center of all my thoughts in terms of poem writing. If you'll notice, the last poem I came up with is also about love. However, there's a huge difference between the two. The first one talks about love as a feeling or emotion. In that poem, I described the possible reactions of people when they fall in love. Some of it are based on personal experiences which are things meant to be kept only between me and myself.

     However, in this poem that I just wrote, I dwelled on the dark side of love. How would someone feel when the person he or she loves the most suddenly leaves? holding a very good possibility of never coming back. I've never been in such a seemingly desolating situation but what I'm sure of is that it brings nothing but depression.

     The poem narrates how the guy copes with an unexpected ordeal, would he cry over it night after night or would he find his own way, be thankful for the relationship and move on? Would he feel an immeasurable amount of bitterness or would he feel happy despite the fact that he had to let go?

     "The Rain" speaks of how I prefer to look and overcome the given situation. Yes, I may feel hurt, I may curse the world and I may even feel the urge to hate her but at the end of the day, I will always be reminded of the best times we shared together and that's something that can never walk away from me.

RESPECT: Do I have to spell it out for you?

When I was in grade school, one of my teachers told me that I was very talkative in class. In fact, I didn't find out straight from her but from my Mom when she came to a Parents Conference in school where teachers talk to parents about their children and their performance in class including their behavior. I thought it couldn't get any worse than finding out that I was labeled the motor-mouth in class but I was wrong. As far as my memory can bring me, my favorite teacher was actually the one who broke the news to my mom and was probably hoping my Mom would do something about me being such a nuisance during class discussions. I wouldn't have taken the incident too seriously if it was caused by one of the unlikable teachers on my list, but the sad thing is, it wasn't. It was caused by the teacher that I look up to, the teacher that doesn't shake my nerves when she enters the classroom, the teacher that was simply nice to me.

I can't recall what my Mom did or what she told me when she discovered my behavior in class but what I can vividly remember is the feeling of disappointment when I realized that I have brought two of the few important people in my life down. First was my favorite teacher and then my mom. I knew that they were expecting so much from me and all I could  to repay them was nothing but a pocketful of annoyance from a seemingly uncontrollable mouth of mine. After going through a painful road to realization, I think it was the first time that I learned how to shut my mouth and keep my late night TV show stories to myself. In other words, I found a more profound meaning to the word RESPECT. It wasn't just about knowing how to say the words 'PO' and 'OPO' in conversing with adults but it was also about being sensitive of other people's feelings. 

I thought when people grow older the more respectful they become to other people but based on what I've been witnessing for the past few weeks, I am starting to doubt if that is true.

There's this class that I attend every Monday and Thursday. The instructor is actually kind enough to let his students make noise in class. He usually continues with his lecture despite a dozen of unruly motor-mouths in the room. It isn't just about the noise they make but for some of them, it is about the way they talk to the instructor. It's an apparent disrespect to those who want to learn and most importantly to the instructor who's speaking in class. I get so irritated that I want to stand up and tie their tongues together and make one big knot. I bet that will teach them a lesson.

And then there's another class I attend every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday where my classmates are not actually as noisy as the other class I mentioned (but they still are and it also annoys me). One day we were asked to copy notes because the instructor wouldn't be able to give handouts for that particular lesson. I looked around and nobody was copying. They were all busy talking about trivial stuff. How in the hell are they going to pass the major exam if they don't copy the only thing in the world that would save them from falling to a bottomless pit? I mean, do they even care about the money their parents are spending for their education? Most importantly, they clearly ignored the instruction that was given to us and didn't mind what the instructor would feel about it.

Some people who may get to this point of my blog might think, "Oh alright, I'M SORRY MR. PERFECTION". Let me tell you, I am completely aware of my strengths and weaknesses and having known my weaknesses as a person, makes me an imperfect person and I'm fine being imperfect.

However, I have one thing not everybody has and that is RESPECT.

A friend of mine told me that I better stop making other people's problems my problem. I actually tried doing so but I just couldn't stop myself from noticing what reality keeps on shoving on my face. Whenever I see situations like these, it brings me back to that very day of my childhood when I was feeling nothing but pure disappointment.

I honestly feel sorry for my instructors who have to go through this and I also feel sorry for those students whom I have no idea when will respect cross their mind. 

Thank you for taking time to read and like what Ellen Degeneres says all the time in her show, "BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER" and by "be kind" she may also mean "BE RESPECTFUL".

Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl

"And whoever is happy will make others happy too. He who has courage and faith will never perish in misery." -Anne Frank

Anne Frank's astonishing and lucid life undertaking reached me through one of the best movies in my list, Freedom Writers that is starred by Hilary Swank. A fragment of Anne's story was discussed in the said movie and in fact, some of the actors even read several of the many heart-breaking excerpts from the book. Upon getting enlightened by her unbelievable story, I knew right then and there that I had to get a copy of this book. Actually, it took a few years before I got a hard-copy of it but it was worth the wait. 

Imagine a life inside a small box.

Pitch-black.

Uncomfortable.

Desolate.

A life of nothingness.

This was the kind of life Anne Frank had to live in. Generally, she was living a blissful life as a 13 year old girl and then one day, everything seemed to have turned upside down and the only life she knew how to live was suddenly nabbed from her. She was forced to go through a kind of living that any 13 year old doesn't deserve.

It was in the year 1942, the time when Nazis was still occupying Holland, the time when Anne and her family had to flee from their home in Amsterdam and hide. It didn't take long before they were traced and had to live with another family in what they labelled as the "Secret Annexe" located in an old office building. They had to endure hunger, boredom and the consequences of living in confined dwellings and worst, the possible discovery of their whereabouts that could lead into death.

Upon reading Anne's diary chapter after chapter drew me to so many questions. Why did they have to live through such a gruesome life if they could have lived otherwise? Why did they have to suffer even if there was an option not to let them? Why did a lot of people have to die even if they didn't have to? It was an issue of arrogance, greed of power and discrimination that led to the sufferings of a 13 year old dreamer and I am pretty sure there were a lot of Anne Franks out there whose dreams were cut short too because of the fact that there were some people who couldn't live without mercilessly putting innocent people through such terrible ordeal.

Through Anne's diary I learned to love more. To love people regardless of color, culture and personal belief. There are myriad of reasons why we're living in such a chaotic world and one of the reason is because we can't accept the fact that people are different and most importantly we can't learn to love people for who they are. If we could just learn to love one another and be kind to another, we can move mountains and definitely bestow peace that has never been given to this ever-deranged world of ours.

This book is an eye-opener and an inspiration to anybody.

By the way, as I was reading this book, I took the time to take note of my favorite quotes from her diary.

MY FAVORITE QUOTES FROM THE BOOK:

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature."

"As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles."

"Riches can all be lost, but that happiness in your own heart can only be veiled, and it wills till bring you happiness again, as long as you live. As long as you look fearlessly up into the heavens, as long as you know that you are pure within, and that you will still find happiness."

"Go outside, to the fields, enjoy nature and the sunshine, go out and recapture happiness in yourself and in god. Think of all the beauty that's still left in and around you and be happy."

"And whoever is happy will make others happy too. He who has courage and faith will never perish in misery."

"I can shake off everything if I write;my sorrow disappears, my courage is reborn. I can recapture everything when I write, my thoughts, my ideals, and my fantasies."

"Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction."

"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands."

The Fifth Mountain by Paulo Coelho

"If you have a past that dissatisfies you, forget it now. Imagine a new story of your life, and believe in it. Concentrate only on those moments in which you achieved what you desired, and this strength will help you to accomplish what you want." - Elijah

If I would name a walking inspiration in my life, one of them would be Paulo Coelho simply because he breathes encouraging thoughts through his novels that triggers a blast of motivation to a person's life. I remember the very first novel of Paulo that I read, "The Alchemist", it taught me to follow my dreams and fulfill my purpose in life. Next was, "The Devil and Miss Prym", it made me embrace my strengths and weaknesses as a human being and despite my weaknesses present within me, I can always choose to do the right thing. "Veronika Decides to Die", taught me to value my life and always live it to the fullest. "Like a Flowing River" taught me to persevere in the pursuit of my personal goals and to never ever give up in times of challenges and last but absolutely not the least, "The Fifth Mountain" that taught me the value of having a strong faith in God and how limitless is a man's reach with a mighty faith.

"The Fifth Mountain" is one of the recent books of Paulo Coelho that I've read. The story begins in the ninth century B.C. The Phoenician Princess Jezebel wants all the prophets who renounce to bow down to the pagan god Baal to be executed. While the order from the princess is in the process, Elijah was advised by an angel of God to escape from Israel and find refuge in the land of Zarephath. Unexpectedly, he finds true love in the said land with a young widow but his new found joy is  about to disappear when his faith in God is tested through a whirlwind of unfortunate events that is cast upon him. 

The ordeal that Elijah had to face somehow resembles human beings' problems in real life. Whenever we cross paths with any difficulty, we tend to ask God why, what for and how are we going to go through this and of course we don't get any verbal answer from him and so we get hurt, not because God doesn't respond to us but because of the fact that we are in a total rut. We cry and eventually, sometimes, we find someone or something to blame knowing that doing those things can never really ease the pain. At some point we want to give up because we feel that it's hopeless. This is exactly what Elijah was feeling while he traverses the rocky paths he had to take. 

After reading the book, I realized that Elijah symbolizes every human being in this world. Each and everyone of us faces challenges everyday. Some challenges are a walk in the park but some are "Mission Impossible". Either way, we seek strength from our personal inspiration, it could be a God we believe in, a family member, music or anything that can help us go through any challenge with flying colors.

Personally, I hold on to God in my highest and lowest times. He may not answer my questions verbally but he has answered a lot of my questions so far through every trials I have faced in my life. Sometimes I would get confused and think maybe God doesn't like me so much he fills my life with relentless misery. However, in my 20 years of existence, I know for a fact that God is not destruction and that God is not misery. I personally believe that God is love and God is hope. Since God is nothing but goodness, I can safely say that behind every ugly faced ordeal is a shining light of love and hope that can sweep even the darkest corner in a person's life.

Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts

"Where the Heart Is" is a book encompassing friendship, love and family and how each one proves its significance in a person's life. The story begins with the introduction of Novalee Nation, a true believer of superstitions;unlucky sevens to be particular. She's only 17 years old carrying a seven month old baby in her womb heading to California with Willy Jack, her boyfriend (and I thought I'd only see a case of teenage pregnancy on MTV).  Due to someone's inconsideration and selfishness, Novalee finds herself stranded at a Wal-Mart in Sequoyah, Oklahoma. Novalee, only having $7.77 in her pocket, faces a seemingly troublesome life that is pending to unfold before her and her baby. Yeah, I know. Seventh month old baby, 17 years old, $7.77, talk about unlucky sevens. Anyway, as she builds a temporary home in a Wal-mart, she encounters these incredible people willing to give her a hand to forget the past, start a new life and learn new things with the person closest to her heart, her baby.

As a book lover, as much as possible I open my horizons to various types of books simply because I get bored when I stick my face on one book genre. Moreover, books of the same genre get predictable for some reason. I used to read books written only by Nicholas Sparks and after finishing a couple of his works, I got a little bit uninterested due to the fact that every book of Sparks that I own seem to revolve around love and its bitter-sweetness. Upon realizing that, I found out that I am man in pursuit of variety in terms of book types.

Going back to Billie Letts' masterpiece, this book has taken me to an emotional roller-coaster ride for it does not tackle only one aspect of a person's life but it also deals with the importance of family and friendship. As embarrassing as it may sound, I should say that this is one of the few books that made me teary-eyed. It's filled with dramatic scenes that get more intense as you go through the motions of every character in the story. Lastly, I like the way the story runs from the very beginning to the end. There's no boring segment in it which some books unfortunately have. If you like to find out the moving, funny and unforgettable journey of the 17 year old Novalee Nation then give this a try. 

Taking a look back

The unrelenting downpour of rain drops from the dusky firmament disturbed the seemingly irrepressible cycle of eerie pictures playing in my sleep. Wishing to be stuck in a blissful dream once barged in my head but logically, hoping so is like wishing for death and I've never intentionally wanted that in my 20 years of living.

Anyway, when all my thoughts scurried a place in my mind, I effortlessly pursued for my phone and by effortlessly I mean not moving a single muscle but my right hand. My phone usually ends up under my pillow after being placed on the side of my bed at night. When I got a hold of it, I lifted my head with such effort to check the time and I saw that it was six in the morning. I let go of my phone, dropped my head on my bed and I was ready for a few more hours of sleep. 

Somehow, I knew what await me today. Having that prediction tied up around my head might  have sucked all the energy from my body. It would probably explain the incessant craving for more sleep and the laziness to get up from bed. I knew that I had to go through the same old motions of the day. I was aware that there were dirty dishes in the sink again, the puppies were as filthy as a pig and my room needs tidying. 

I am stuck in a spiral of mediocrity and the repetitive role that I have to play every day is slowly burying me in the ground of unhappiness and depression.

However, despite the apparent dullness gradually creeping from all sides of my life, I am convinced that nothing is permanent in this world and in a sudden spin of fate, things will definitely change, somehow.

In a few weeks from now, a new semester will kick in. New people to meet and new things to learn. I'll probably be so busy I may wish for a month of doing nothing. So I guess, I'll try as hard as I can to enjoy the remaining weeks of summer vacation and possibly learn to cease any unnecessary grumbling about insignificant stuff.

Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin

Give yourself a minute to take a look around. Take a sight not just at what your eyes can reach but at how far your imagination can go. Imagine the places on the other side of the world. See what's making people busy. Are they happy or are they sad? Tell me, what do you see? For some people, it only takes awareness before they realize that there's something that must be done. Others have to be pushed until they realize the importance of their initiative to make a change.

For Greg Mortenson, it didn't take days or weeks or years before he knew that action must be taken when he found himself in a spiral of problematic chaos in Pakistan and Afghanistan. The apparent hopelessness of people presented itself right before Greg's eyes. In the process of getting to know the villages he stumbled upon and its inhabitants, what really caught his attention and what broke his heart into pieces was the suffering of the educational system and institutions of the people there.

He knew right then and there that a lot of children were more than willing to get an education but their dreams of getting a degree was gradually being crushed by seemingly unavoidable societal issues. He didn't waste a second before he formulated his plan to build schools for the young generation. He didn't waste a second to shower hope upon these people even if that meant risking his life for them. He didn't waste a second to set his personal life aside and put his mission as his top priority. His mission to promote peace and build a better future for the children.

Upon reading this book, I wasn't that much concerned on how the remarkable story of Greg Mortenson will be narrated for as long as the message of hope will come across as clear as the blue sky because I think that's the sole of purpose of having printed the book in the first place. And that is to inspire and give hope especially to those people who think world problems can never be solved anymore. However, I have to say that David Oliver Relin did a very good job in writing Greg's uplifting story. He did write about Greg's life very well which helped me grasped the meaning of Greg's life and the path that he decided to take.

When I got to the ending, the story of Greg Mortenson convinced me more that there is still hope for us despite the persistent predicaments unfolding from left to right. I feel re-energized knowing that there are people out there on the move, doing what they believe is right.

Based on "Three Cups of Tea",  it takes full awareness of the problem backed up by sincere continual action to make a change. 

Haven't read the book yet??? I suggest you give it a try.

A Crappy Reality

A few weeks before the summer season stepped into the country, I already visualized how my summer experience would exactly turn out. The final picture wasn't as exciting and fun as I wanted it to be though. I guess that was what being realistic is all about and sometimes reality is nothing but a piece of crap.

FANTASY

There I am, lying on a white satiny sand with a cold mango smoothie in my hand. My sleeveless shirt with a shark printed on it that says "Bite Me" matches my board shorts with bright colors, probably shouting "It's Summertime!". While the sea breeze gently massages my skin, burger patties are on the grill, releasing a mouth-watering aroma that tickles the hungry. The symphony of the ocean water created through its irrepressible brush against the sand couldn't sound any better.  I took a sip of my ice cold smoothie whilst I slowly close my eyes to enjoy every second of this one in a million moment in my life.

REALITY

There I am, lying on my not so velvety bed with a flowery bed sheet (mother's choice) that is slightly messed up caused by my relentless pursuit for a comfortable napping position. My sleeveless shirt with a fading print on it matches my shorts with a pale shade of blue, probably shouting "I'm Bored!". While a gust from nowhere abruptly disturbs the stillness of my room's window curtains, I am profusely sweating making me feel sticky. The symphony of cars and tricycles that my ears tried to ignore couldn't be more annoying. I took a glass of ice cold water whilst I slowly close my eyes and sincerely pray for a miracle. 

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That's why reality sometimes is as crappy as a dog poop. It usually goes against what you really prefer.

Anyway, I may not have had fun this summer season but I am really looking forward to the new semester. I can't wait to meet new people, study new subjects and be a busy hardworking student again. But for now, I'm going to try to relish the remaining weeks of summertime and hopefully do something fun and memorable before the first semester kicks in.

What I Saw and How I Lied by Judy Blundell

Most of us believe that the truth will set us free, but what if speaking the truth will put the people we love in jeopardy, will we still think of our own freedom? 

It was this question that haunted Evie, the main character in this novel, when she got into a situation where she was torn between doing the right thing and protecting the most important people in her life. The supposed fun vacation in Palm Beach, courtesy of her father Joe, turned her life into a movie, playing a series of unfortunate circumstances right before her eyes. When she thought Peter Coleridge, who used to work for Joe, would be the love of her life turned out to be holding a very dark secret that could break her family apart. The exchange of every event in Evie's life breathed confusion, realization and somehow, the truth.

This mystery novel was written by Judy Blundell who is known to write books for middle grade, young adult and adult readers. You may be familiar with her other masterpieces, Premonitions and The 39 Clues.

First of all, I must say how much I love this novel. One of the many reasons is the fact that the author was able to fill a 280 page novel with a very effective mystery. The perfect mystery that can cause you an incessant longing for answers. As a matter of fact, I found myself hanging with so many questions chapter after chapter which I like in a typical mystery book. Every character connected with the conflicts that arose seemed to have been hiding something which I personally believed would clear Evie's confusion with what's going on around her.

The way Judy Blundell described every character, every place and every scene in the book definitely created a blockbuster movie in my mind. 

The characters are given enough spotlight for me to figure out their significance in the story and their respective descriptions made it possible for me to draw a visual illustration of what I think they look like. I also like it when there's not too many characters in a novel because I only get stuck in a spiral of confusion if so, making me lose my interest of reading another word in the book. "What I Saw and How I Lied" has a perfect number of characters to create a very strong story foundation.

The selected places in the novel seemed to have been taken from real life making the whole point of the book realistic. Every scene that took place are well-written I could actually feel every emotion that it conveys.

In a nutshell, I like this book so much I recommend you guys reading it if you haven't read this book yet. 

Sensitivity VS. A Computer Game

A few of the reasons why I take joy in going to birthday parties is the food, the opportunity to socialize and most importantly, the fact of being part in one of the most significant day of a person's life.

As a matter of fact, I just attended one today. This time, a friend of mine was celebrating his birthday. His name is Roy and he is the type of guy who loves food more than anything else which may be apparent on his physicality once you get to see him. The funny thing is I asked him last night, when we were talking over the phone if dieting and exercising have ever crossed his mind this summer. He gave me a very straight-forward answer. 

He said NO.

Our laughs seemed to have cut the smooth-flowing dreams of our neighbors but as the laughter faded in the background, somehow, I felt so stupid for asking such question. Well, I thought as a friend, I should have known better. Anyway, at the back of my mind I realized how Roy loves who he is and what he looks like and I bet he won't trade his face and body with anyone else.

The birthday party was modest. His family and friends were there and of course we, his college friends, were counted in action as well.

Roy is going through a tough time. He had to stop school and the worst thing is he has to wait for his problems to get fixed. When I went through the same situation, I pitied myself for not having the ability to resolve the problems of my family. I felt completely worthless and the more I counted the passing days, the more I felt the pain.

And so when I stepped into his house for the second time and right there before my eyes I saw the set of food on the table and the whole family gathering together to celebrate Roy's important day, I felt nothing but bliss.

The moment I took my plate, I was wishing nothing but the best for Roy and for him to have his best birthday ever.

Then there came the crack on the road.

The others wanted to play a computer game somewhere distant from Roy's house. We were talking about placing bets and all. I was with them, laughing, joking around, looking at the whole scheme as a joke. 

Then, before I knew it, they did want to go out and play a silly computer game. They suddenly became serious about it and what made the crack on the road worst was their incessant force to drag me into it. 

It was something  I was not and will never be interested into. 

To cut the story short, they forced me to be away for awhile, leave the Man of the Day (Roy, the birthday celebrant) behind and play a computer game instead. 

I just thought it was childish first of all to replace a friend's birthday celebration that comes once a year over a computer game that can be played anytime, every day.

Of course, I didn't go with them. Deep inside, I got pissed off when they were literally dragging me all the way to an Internet Cafe.

There was nothing to be happy about with their obvious display of insensitivity. Display of insensitivity to me and most especially to Roy.

At the end of the day, I went home alone. I didn't wait for them to come back and just gave my apology to Roy in behalf of the others and greeted him a very Happy Birthday.

WHEN I DECIDED TO PUT DOWN THEIR OFFER, I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALONE IN MY LIFE. I  FELT EVERYONE LEFT ME BEHIND FOR NO REASON. THE NOISE OF THE BIRTHDAY PARTY REMODELED INTO SILENCE. I WAS SWEATING PROFUSELY AND I FELT RAGE THAT I WANTED TO BREAK SOMETHING. I DIDN'T WANT TO CATCH ANYBODY'S ATTENTION. IT WAS MY FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY AND THE LAST THING I WANTED TO DO WAS TO STEAL THE SPOTLIGHT FROM HIM.

IS IT A CRIME TO EXPECT SENSITIVITY AND RESPECT FROM YOUR FRIENDS??? IT WAS THIS QUESTION THAT APPEARED TO HAVE HELD ME ON MY SEAT ON THE BUS WHILE I WAS MAKING MY WAY HOME. IT WAS THIS QUESTION THAT MADE ME STARE BLANKLY UP IN THE NIGHT SKY. 

AND HERE I AM ABOUT TO FINISH MY POST WHILE HOPING FOR THINGS TO GET BETTER  TOMORROW.

Modern Family

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I can use a good laugh right now. 

I woke up late this morning and realized that the same old routine I do every day is slowly cutting my life short by the second. If I don't go out and hunt for some fun and good times then I am going to have to say hello to insanity.

However, I stopped that train of thought and I reminded myself of the movie I just watched last night.

Pursuit of Happyness.

Then after looking back at Chris Gardner and the life he had to live with, I realized I should stop complaining and be contented with what I have and where I am. I am blessed enough to have a house, two not-so-fun but loving parents and a sister who buys the food I love (I like all sorts of food so she doesn't really have any problem with choosing at all).

Anyway, I said that I can use  a good laugh because I think that is one of the best ideas to enjoy my summer. Since I don't have any plans or even if I do but I just can't then I might as well take advantage of the things that I can use to kill the summer time.

A good laugh is easy to find, really. It doesn't really matter whether you get it from a friend's joke, a text message or from an episode of your favorite comedy show for as long as it tickles you until you drop on the floor.  

Laughing is an energy booster, it may not be a problem-solver but it is surely a stress-reliever. I better start laughing more often now if I still want to look my age but then a problem came in. 

How in the world can I do this? 

I can't just grab the funniest guy in school and force him to make me laugh and besides, it's a stupid idea. It's summer vacation! The funniest guy in school may be enjoying his time on the beach right now and he doesn't want to be disturbed for sure.

And then there's the idea of watching funny shows on television. I could just turn on the TV and look for a comedy show. 

Sounds easy? Yes it does but it's impossible. Not everything on TV makes me laugh.  Some of you may find the "big bang theory" funny but not so much for me. The only person I think is funny in the show is Sheldon and that's it.

For me, a comedy show should have great actors that could make people laugh in their own and unique way. Imagine a pool of talented actors put together in a show with their distinct take on comedy. 

It's a comedy explosion, people!

Well, some of you may have probably guessed what show I am talking about. It's none other than, "Modern Family".

The funniest show on the planet, for me of course. Modern Family has the variety I was looking for in a comedy series. Every character on the show has incomparable characteristics that somehow turn into magic. The magic that makes me and a lot of people laugh.

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Well, to give a little info about my favorite show, Modern Family was created by Christopher Lloyd and Steven Levitan and started it's very first episode on September 23, 2009. The show received tons of positive feedback both from the viewers and the critics which I believe helped them garnered various awards such an Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series,  Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series, Outstanding Supporting Actress in a  Comedy Series and the Golden Globe Award for Best Television Series - Musical or Comedy.

I am so proud I feel like I am part of the show.

Anyway, I have written down a few of my favorite quotes from Modern Family.

For those who have seen or is a big fan of Modern Family, as you go through the quotes below, you will not just be inspired by what they said, you'll also be laughing your heart out as you try to look back at those episodes where they said it.

ENJOY!

My Favorite Modern Family Quotes so far

"Family is Family, whether its the one you start out with, the one you end up with or the family you gain along the way which makes every day December 16."  -Gloria

"There are dreamers and there are realists in this world, you think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists but more often than not, the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun and the realists, well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground." -Cameron

"So I guess I was wrong when I said, once we get older, it's hard to make new friends."                                                                                                                                             - Phil

"We all struggle with limitations, some are willing to accept and some are not. It's never too late to grow in life." (Actually, this isn't jay's quote, he was just reading an instruction's manual from a contraption Manny bought  that's supposed to increase one's height.)                                                                                                                                          -Jay

"All week long I've been telling my girls how to act instead of showing them, but not Phil. Phil could have said, Alex, relax, don't take everything so seriously or Haley, challenge yourself, don't give up so easily but instead of talking the talk, Phil walked the walk. And isn't that what we're supposed to do for the people we love. It's definitely a challenge but Phil made it look easy, seven feet off the ground." -Claire

"I was almost depressed to come today, I realized I let my childhood slip away, I really thought it was too late for me, but watching all of you act like children, it hit me. I've got a plenty of time left to be a kid."  -Manny

"People can surprise you, you used to thinking of them one way, stuck in their roles, they are what they are and then they do something that shows all this depth and dimension that you never knew existed."  -Mitchell

"Everybody's got their stuff, whether your popular or a drama geek or a cheerleader or even a nerd like me. We all have our insecurities, we are just trying to figure out who we are. "  -Alex

"If another woman is messing with your man, you have to get pro-active. I don't care how pretty she is or how many stupid reptiles she has, she tries to take what's mine, girl friends's gonna get stung." -Haley