Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The fat boy who cried

I made my way to the faculty room with a sense that the imaginary emotional fat boy living in the depths of my soul would once again be moved. I hesitantly took my seat and readied myself for an unsolicited confrontation. I was at a loss for words. Composing myself has never been so difficult and for the very first time in my life, I felt like I ran out of something to say. I wanted to speed away and stay forever in hiding. However, I was left with no choice at all but to face the ordeal.

"Are you okay?", he said softly. 

"No, I'm not", I said nonchalantly while nailing my eyes to the farthest place it could be.

Before I knew it, tears were dripping down my cheeks and an army of words was just fighting over which one should come out of my mouth first. Adding injury caused by a perplexing public humiliation, I had to verbally explain myself about how I've been acting for the passed several days with reasons I preferred to have been signed and sealed by me and exclusively contained for my eyes only. Unfortunately, that didn't happen and the worst case scenario slowly fell upon me like a building construction debris. 

Most probably, some of you are scratching your heads right now and perhaps wondering what exactly happened to me that day and what kind of ordeal I had to go through. Maybe a few of you, might have been one of those who happened to pass by and witnessed the whole 30 second circus show. Either way, the purpose of this particular post is not to narrate a story but to let you know that, first, I am an overly-dramatic and bucket-of-tears producing  kind of guy, who chooses to drive away tear causing confrontations in public as much as possible.

Why? Simply because it's embarrassing and no matter how hard I try to keep my head together, I just can't. It would be alright if I find myself alone where nobody's there to judge me.

For most of the guys, it may appear embarrassing to admit how glued we are with our emotional side because we've always been so conscious about our image and how manly we are in the eyes of other people but I believe that some people are really born to be overly emotional about many things regardless if you're a guy or a lady. Some of us are so emotional that a broken toe nail of a dog would send us down to our knees and beg for a miracle of an immediate toe nail growth for our dog. 

If you see someone who actually does this or who already did, then just assume that he's auditioning for a role in a play that requires him to be extremely hysterical about a dog's broken toe nail or he's just simply starting to lose his sanity for some unknown reason.

Where am I going with this? It's funny you ask because I don't know either.

No, I'm just kidding.

I decided not to narrate the incident because I am trying to protect the people who were actually involved. Recalling the story wouldn't solve anything and may probably branch out to bigger problems that I don't want to happen and it brings back all the emotions I felt, mostly were negative emotions. I've had enough of those and I need some peace of mind right now while trying to juggle a whole lot of responsibilities.

And there's one more thing I want to say before I go. Sometimes, we get used to doing some things in our every day life that without our knowledge, it has already become part of who we are whether it's a positive thing or a negative thing. Before we know it, it's already affecting the people around us. How we treat people is a matter of choice, a choice to be sensitive or not and a choice to be respectful or not. 

Let's just say, a person commits a mistake or maybe a myriad of mistakes, talking to him nicely and calmly may not work because he may probably assume that it doesn't matter to you whatever output he gives out.

What if you talk to him the other way around? Rudely and disrespectfully. The person may probably go crazy, lose his drive and eventually give up.

How about if you talk to him, honestly? tell him all the wrong things he did, be as brutally frank as you can to awaken him from his long wandering dream but with respect and consideration.

All I'm trying to say is we just need to be aware of what we say and how we say things to the people that we meet because every person we encounter, is a person fighting for a battle and being a little nicer can help him win that battle.

Monday, November 12, 2012

"Little Things"

"Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me but bear this in mind it was meant to be and I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks and it all makes sense to me"
I still find myself in the state of waiting when I speak of LOVE. I guess, I prefer to wait than to seek, to look straight than to look around. For some people, they may think, it's sad. Honestly it is, sometimes we feel a black hole somewhere in the corner of our heart and sucks out all the bliss existing in our body. However, in the presence of this black hole, I always remind myself that there are a lot of reasons to be happy in life. There are a lot of reasons to smile about and most importantly, there are more important things to focus on. It is just a matter of how we live that determines how much happiness we get. I let each day pass bringing that thought with me all the time to help me keep moving.

"I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile, you've never loved your stomach or your thighs the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine but I'll love them endlessly"

     I am not a big fan of 'One Direction' but a week ago, I was watching the results night of X-Factor USA and they performed one of their songs entitled 'Little Things'. The mellow sound caught my ears. At first, I couldn't make up the lyrics of the song. However, as the song went on, some of the lines were clear enough for me to understand. Right then and there, I knew what the song means and despite the apparent fact that I am single, I felt like I was in love. It is the kind of song that I would sing for someone very special.

"I won't let this little things slip out of my mouth but If I do, it's you, oh it's you, they add up to I'm in love with you and all these little things"
Some people dress up too much just to get the attention of their crush. They get themselves entangled with antics just to get a simple hi or hello. Some of them would go too far without realizing that they're already losing so much of their true identity. Some may be aware how they're turning out to be but they're willing to change everything just to be with the person they love. Others rush in too quickly to fall in love and before they know it, they find themselves OUT of love.

"You can't go to bed without a cup of tea maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep and all those conversations are the secrets that I keep, though it makes no sense to me"
This song of narrates a story of a guy who loves unconditionally. He loves regardless of the flaws he sees. He loves regardless of his partner's insecurities. He loves regardless of his partners imperfections. Most importantly, despite the presence of shortcomings and senseless actions of his partner, he loves her deeply and genuinely. He doesn't tell his partner to lose weight, to go through a plastic surgery just to get rid of the freckles on her face or the pimples that continue to inhabit her face. He loves his partner for who she is and doesn't complain for what she's not. He doesn't see imperfection. Through his eyes, she's already perfect.
"I know you've never loved the sound of your voice on tape. You never want to know how much you weigh. You still have to squeeze into your jeans but you're perfect to me
I won't let this little things slip out of my mouth but if it's true, it's you, it's you, they add up to. I'm in love with you and all these little things"
I guess, what I'm trying to say is that, first, this song reminds me to never change who I am as a person. I should never change the REAL me just to give way for someone to love me. True love cannot be forced. True love comes naturally. Second, is to never try to change the person you are with. The reason why true love came between the both of you is because of the true person that you are within.
"You never love yourself half as much as I love you You'll never treat yourself right darling but I want you toIf I let you know, I'm here for you maybe you'll love yourself like I love you oh"
For those who have already found the love of their life, love one another unconditionally. Never try to change each other but accept each other instead. And for the single ones out there (including myself), PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE.

I suggest you give this song a try and you may probably like it.

Lyrics of the song was taken from this website: