Thursday, December 29, 2011

Ben Breedlove: How he convinced me that miracles do happen

Everybody goes through a bad day.

A day so bad that wearing a smile is as hard as carrying a bag of dumb bells stacked on your shoulders. Most of the time, we found ourselves sailing through the motions as if getting ambushed by stress and pain is no different than facing otherwise. However, hurt and distress inevitably runs along side a distressing day which usually caused our cursing and frowning. 

Whenever I find myself caught by all the factors that result to an awful day, I always hope for an inspiration or a motivation that may not completely brush all the negative dusts away but at least make me feel a little better. After all the constant hoping and praying, I'd find objects with statements or sayings engraved on them that will shift my mood from an "unhappy camper" to "a boy with a new toy".

Objects like a billboard that says "Smile", a shirt worn by a stranger saying "Love one another", a TV show filled with humor like Modern Family or a pink thermos in the kitchen that says

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream;not only plan but also believe"

Yes, that's right, we have a pink thermos at home (color chosen by my youngest sister of course) that has that statement printed on it which I just found out a few days ago. Well, the thermos has been doing its kitchen duties for weeks now and one morning as I was enjoying a nice hot cup of coffee, the side of the thermos with the saying written on it was staring at me, which would explain my discovery of its mere existence telling me to dream and believe.

Anyway, I was supposed to write about these objects that can inspire people but then as I was a click away from starting a new blog post, an article from Yahoo caught my attention. 

It was one of those videos that went viral on YouTube. I have a little interest on videos growing notoriously because sometimes it's either about people wanting to be famous or those people trying to be funny. On the other hand, this one is different. 

The video was uploaded by a teenager named Ben Breedlove on December 18, 2011 who suffered a heart condition called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. He introduces himself in the video and what he has been going through all his life with this heart ailment with words written on pieces of papers. He raises every paper one after the other with an acoustic music of "Mad World" playing on the background.

His face showed no marks of fear or anxiety. He seemed to be at peace. He would smile in some parts of the video as if he wasn't going through something that could easily take away his life in a matter of minutes.

Nevertheless, I have gotten to know his inspiring story one paper at a time and has convinced me that miracles do happen. He has narrated how he saw what I personally think is heaven and how peace dominated him at the time which was the part that made me smile. He didn't want to leave that place but then, he woke up and found himself in the last place he remembered he was.

On the night of Christmas, he passed away leaving the world with his encouraging words that will undoubtedly be engraved on every people's heart.

He reminded me that life is short and that no matter how short life is, we are given a million chances to straighten up our lives and to live each day with endless joy. He taught me that peace is the greatest feeling a man could ever have, for peace frees us from worries and doubts. Ben taught me to hold on to what I believe and be firm with it. Ben pointed out the power of faith.

I strongly believe that he is now in a better and safer place. Though we don't know each other but through the video, I feel like I have known him all my life. I am thankful that I came across this article about him and I know it's not a coincidence. It was meant to happen to remind me that life is precious. Life's description that most of us take for granted.

If you guys wish to see the video, you could go straight to YouTube and type "Ben Breedlove". He uploaded two separate videos, Part 1 and Part 2. Once you finished watching the videos, I am sure you will be inspired like you've never been inspired before.

To help you out, here are the links that can direct you straight to Ben's videos.

Let's pray for Ben and take a lesson from what he has been through and try to live with it.

God bless everyone and as what Ellen DeGeneres says every night, "Love one another".

Monday, December 19, 2011

A Christmas Tree: Mirror of my past

I turned the key to unlock the gate as the dogs greet me at my entrance. Actually, I could hardly tell  if they were barking at me or at a cat sneaking through our backyard again but either way, I couldn't care less. Our dogs bark all the time. Whenever the water delivery guy turns up at the gate, they bark at them so loud they were ready to tear the guy apart into pieces. When a strayed cat who unfortunately finds its way to the backyard pass by their cage, they would freak out and run around their pen which would seem as if they just had 12 cups of coffee.

Anyway, my mom peeked through the window and rushed to the door as soon as she saw me came in. I thought it was going to be the same old tableau of a lonely, spacious living room that would welcome me, but to my surprise, it wasn't. A 7 ft. tall Christmas tree standing by the window near the door, covering an amount of space in the living room, altered the look of the house.  In my head I said, "Finally! People will stop thinking that we hate Christmas!".

In our former house, we didn't get the chance to decorate every Christmas because of a few issues with the people we were living with and predicaments popping out from nowhere. So every time Christmas approaches, our neighbors would always illuminate the darkness of the night by their colorful Christmas lights, intricately placed on their doors and window panes subsequently living our house in the dusk of the streets. I was convinced that passersby assume that we're not celebrating Christmas because of our house's apparent display of invisible Christmas lights and decorations.

I guess that is one of the many memories that hit me when I glanced at the Christmas tree. A memory that I wish I could permanently bury in the past. Suddenly, I realized that it wasn't just a Christmas tree. It's a mirror. A mirror of my past.

The Christmas tree sent me back to the place in the past where my family was surrounded by insolent and pretentious people who never got tired of trying to put us down. We were not in our place to fight back and so all I could do was to take everything in. We took everything they said as if all words were true even if its not. It was only me, my mom, my youngest sister and my step-dad against these shark-infested world.  I wanted to stand-up and do something but I knew it wouldn't do me or my family any good so I tried my hardest to shut up. We would always turn out to be the bad guys at the end of the day anyway so what's the use. Basically, we were living in an abnormal life back then where we had to be careful with our every move or it could be used against us. An argument may start if we play music or turn on the TV and we could get shouted at if we laugh at a joke. Obviously, it was a gruesome life to live. 

Despite these bitter memories, the tree tells me something about our abilities. Our ability to surpass every life challenges, ability to be resilient in every storm and the ability to remain faithful in the presence of hopelessness. I never thought we could never change our lives. I never thought we could get out from that prison and I never thought there could be no Christmas tree standing in our living room. However, all these thoughts were proven wrong. We were able to move out and start a new life. We were able to bring ourselves out from a seemingly endless misery and the best part for me is that we were able to buy a Christmas tree which now stands in our living room reminding me of a never ending possibilities of life.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

A conversation with the girl I like

No matter how fast we run to catch a running train, we can never touch it, we can never stop it and we can never outmaneuver it. This is how I see a day that passes before me. I know that each day will continue to get ahead like a train speeding on a railway, so instead of counting the seconds, I count my blessings. Instead of counting the minutes, I count the times I have become a blessing to other people, and instead of counting the hours, I count the times I laugh at life. These thoughts managed to roam around my mind for a few seconds as I looked back at the day and see how I spent it. However, it was weird that I could hardly remember what happened or what I did that day. It's like I woke up one sunny afternoon and found myself wearing my school uniform while walking towards the mall with my friends, going through the same old routine that never gets tired to repeat itself after every class. 

Well, I stopped bothering about how my day went and just convinced myself that it could just be another day blanketed by mediocrity.

I looked around and tried to seek something that will make this day different but I never did. Nothing changed at all. Starbucks was still standing on its same spot, serving the best coffee in the city. The Hotdog On A Stick stand along side the mall building didn't move an inch from the last time I saw it. 

Basically, history did its magic again and made things as if I was living in the past. I think the only difference I noticed was the people I saw that day. Unfamiliar faces minding their own businesses. I looked up in the sky and the sun was nowhere to be found. It was probably somewhere behind the woolly clouds playing another round of hide and seek. 

I like it when the sun plays hide and seek because when I find it lonely as a strayed bird in the heavens, I am sure it will find a way to kill its boredom by burning people's skin. 

There was something weird though, as my friends and I made our way towards the mall's entrance. I felt like everything was in slow motion. I was feeling so well I could do a triathlon so there was no reason for me to be light-headed. I felt like somebody had control over what's happening that he could choose whether to slow down or accelerate things up as he pleased. 

I could barely hear the malls usual combination of sounds from people's conversation to the sounds of footsteps.

I didn't pay attention to what's happening around me but as I  glanced on my left, I saw her.

I became nervous. I deemed I had to do something but I had no idea what. 

Should I approach her and say hi? or maybe pass her way, pretend I didn't see her and see if she would notice me and talk to me. 

She was standing alone and seemed to be waiting for someone.

For a moment, I wished it was me she was thinking about but she didn't even notice me as I took my step on the escalator. It was too late. I gazed at her as if it was going to be the last time I'd see her as the escalator draws distance between us. So, I let the thought go and tried to focus on something else.

To my surprise, I heard a very loud shout saying my name coming from nowhere. It was very clear to me.

I looked down from the second floor and saw her standing from where she was but this time, she's turned to me and her eyes glued on mine.

I didn't quite understand what was happening. 

"No, it wasn't me she's looking at, it's probably someone else", I thought. 

I checked the vicinity and I saw no one else. The area was empty. I looked at my friends to see if they heard someone called my name but they never appeared to notice. They were acting weird that day. They goof around sometimes but that particular day, it wasn't the kind of goofing off they usually do.

I continued to walk with them and next thing I knew, she was behind me. She talked to me and we suddenly made a conversation. I could hardly remember what we talked about but all I know is that it was going to be the best day ever.

I told her what I feel for her but she didn't answer back but instead, she wore that captivating smile. I didn't mind her not responding to my question and gave her a smile back.

All of a sudden, everything turned black, it's as if something forced me to close my eyes. 

For a second, I had no idea where I was. There was no light. Not a tiny single one.

 The light rushed in and darn it! 

I turned up to be on my bed, sleeping the whole time.

Have you ever had that moment in your life where this perfect moment came in and as you were enjoying it, suddenly disappeared into thin air? I hate it when some perfect things only happen in dreams.

When I found out that it was all living in my head, I was saddened. I stared at the ceiling and tried to remember the details of the dream, wishing to continue it if I close my eyes again.

Monday, September 26, 2011

I am a citizen of STI. I am an agent of change.

"All of us here in this room have hopes, not just for ourselves, not just for our families and for our loved ones but also for our country. Unfortunately though, the people we've elected into power can't do it all by themselves, they need our help too. And I got this from my brother, change should begin from within. That's where it starts. I mean, it doesn't have to be big. It can be really simple but the important thing is that each of us( I am guilty of a lot of stuff too), makes the change first from within. It starts with one. It starts with just one person and before you know it, that one becomes two and two becomes four and then before you know it, we are in heaven."
Judging the quote itself, it would seem as if this was spoken by a smart and concerned political leader of our nation. Someone we assume to be an apparent advocate of change. However, it may not be surprising to know that these words were delivered by Ms. Leah Salonga. I intended to download the song "The Journey" from the internet but for some reason the one that I was able to download includes her short-speech speaking about change. What she mentioned with reference to change completely makes sense to me. When I heard this commentary from her for the first time, it made me realized one thing. This "change" that most of us have been yearning for to take place, is the unified fragments of every individual’s selfless decisions in life for the society. If each and everyone will come to a single realization of how this seemingly impossible dream can come true then as what Lea Salonga puts it, we will all be living in heaven. The invention of a plane came from a man's decision to explore the place beyond his boundaries. In fact, everything that was invented which we are taking advantage of during this time, all came from a dream, followed by the will that was put into action then the will drove the hands to put all these dreams into reality.

   How can a student like me be part in turning the society's desired dream into reality? I can be part of it by being a leader. In the past, I have been living my life clinging to a wrong definition of "leadership". I thought being a leader was someone who barks commands to his followers, someone who doesn't do anything but tell people what to do. I thought living a life of leadership was easy. Nevertheless, my experiences in life helped me see and understand things right. These experiences allowed me to understand what leadership truly is and how it is applied in real life. Now I know that I do not have to be someone in power to be a leader. Being a leader is simply a choice. A choice to serve not ourselves but other people. A selfless initiative to do what is right. This act is something I know can contribute towards the development of my community and my country.

This may sound cliche but let me tell you anyway that being a leader means following rules and regulations. It is a very simple act of ethical behavior. It is so simple that most of us would rather go against it instead of committing to it. It is so simple that we think that violating rules and regulations sometimes wouldn’t hurt at all. As an agent of change, I will not have this kind of mind set. Instead, I will lead the people around me by doing what is right. I will follow the policies of my school, traffic rules and regulations and what have you. I will do this not because I want to impress people but because I know it is the right thing to do. Being a leader means knowing my responsibilities and obligations as a student, a son and a Filipino citizen. I am aware that I have to study hard to make my parents proud and provide a better life for my family in the future. At the same time, I am doing this to give a hand to my country. The hands maintaining the stability of my country is clearly not enough as we can see on the news nowadays. My hands may not be the hands of superman but just to know the fact that I have contributed something for my country makes me proud as a Filipino.

If there's one thing I would change in order for us to achieve national development and progress, I would change the attitude of the people. I think one of the many reasons why we still haven’t achieved this dream is because of the people’s mind set towards themselves, their lives, and the society. Some of us put all the blame to the government, some of us blame other people for the lives we are currently living now, others would rather be passive in everything that is happening around them. These acts are obviously the reason why we are stuck in this present situation. We complain too much but we lack action to do something about the issue. If we desire to change the face of this country and if we are truly longing to rise from this adversity, we need to act positively and appropriately in order to achieve this. We cannot easily change how the people in the government run this country but there’s one thing we can definitely change and that is ourselves. We know who we are and we know the things we need to change in our lives. It is just a matter of deciding and committing to change.

As I was writing this essay, another realization came to me. The acts I have listed in order for me to hand out something for my country is not a headlong solution. I don’t expect this country to change in 10 years time through this. I don’t expect everybody to follow me with this advocacy. However, there are two things I know for sure. I will be able to influence enough people to do their part in making a difference. The second thing is, I wouldn’t be any prouder because I have fulfilled my purpose for my country. So when is the best time to be an agent of change you may ask, well, the best time is, today.

(This is my essay entry for my school's essay writing competition)

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I am the worst grandson

I wasn't excited to be back. 

I was even more concerned about the take home quiz that I need to finish tonight.

Was there something to be excited about? 

A question that came in as I took my breakfast.
I didn't even give an effort in thinking about what I'd wear.

I just picked my favorite stylish shorts and a simple shirt. Wore my sleepers and I was ready to go.

I just wanted to go because I didn't want my mom to go alone by herself.

Antipolo is my birthplace. The place where I've seen how hard life could become, how families struggle to make ends meet and how loneliness could make you the saddest person in the world and I guess because of that, I didn't really have a lot of nice memories growing up in the place of my birth. I had my friends but I was still lonely. Every time I'd get back home from playing outside, I knew loneliness would haunt me back again. You see when I was a child, my mom had to leave for work. I'd remember my grandparents trying to make me understand why mom had to leave. I believe I knew why but I couldn't hold my tears back when mom would step out of the door and bid me goodbye. It'd be the saddest moment in my life every time.

I remember, I would cry as she disappeared from my sight. Then I knew at that moment in time, it would be long before she comes back again. Having that thought ran around in circles, it has squeezed every tear out of my eyes. My grandma would use to calm me down, wipe my tears off my cheeks  and comforted me until I stopped crying. 

The absence of my tears didn't mean the absence of my loneliness. It was still present and alive.

The sun was up so high and I couldn't take the heat. 

As the tricycle went up to an incline, every memory of that path came in to play. I'd remember the place where I used to get scared every night. The place where I believed creatures lurked. I still remembered the exact same fear that I usually get every time I get to that incline.

The rocky road on our way to my grandparents was still the same old path. Until now they haven't fixed that path yet. It's still soiled so when it rains, you wouldn't want to walk there because it would turn from a dry land to a muddy pool. 

And then there we arrived. 

It was completely different when my grandparents weren't there. They reconstructed the house and built additional walls that separate two families living together. I used to sit beside my grandma every time we visit there, I'd pay respect to my aunts and uncles but I'd always prefer to sit beside my loving grandma and chat with her.

I'd usually ask her if she already ate or how she was doing. I'd look at her face and see how time had changed her(physically). However, she has not changed a bit with the way she treated me and the other people around her. She was still the same old grandma that I'd always find comfort with. The same kind, caring, calm and loving grandma.

You see, my grandma raised me in the absence of my mom. I remember when I was in 1st grade, she would fetch me to school. After class, I'd always see her waiting for me. We would go to the wet market and eat but I was always wondering why was I the only one eating. She would just watch me eat. I wanted to share my food so bad but I knew she would refuse. Or sometimes we would go home and she'd prepare food for me. I appreciated that so much but I didn't get the chance to tell her that. 

Every time I'd get scolded by my aunt or dad or my grandpa she would be there to make me understand why. She'd wipe my tears with her "daster" and would do her best to make me stop crying. Every time, we'd go to sleep at night, my grandpa didn't want to turn on the fan because they were trying to save electricity so when I'd feel hot, grandma would get a cardboard, a newspaper or anything she could use to make me feel cool.Sometimes, she would sing a lullaby to put me down to sleep. She had this calming and relaxing tone. I'd always feel like I was in heaven being serenaded by an angel.

She'd help me get ready for school. She'd wake up early to prepare my breakfast. There would be times when she'd prepare a pack lunch for me. My favorite was pandesal and fried hotdogs. Every day she would do that for me. I didn't hear any complaints from her. I remember images in my mind that she'd kiss me on the cheeks for no reason and it always made me happy. I knew that my grandma loved very much and has always appreciated my presence. I also remember images of me hugging her so tight. I still remember her scent. The scent of her "daster".

Now, the place changed since she passed away. The bed where she used to lie on was no longer there. I wanted to sit beside her but I knew I could no longer do that. She's in a better place and wherever that place is, I know she's happy.

I think the biggest mistake I have ever done was not being there when she passed away. I was at work. It was difficult to get absent and to be honest, I didn't really think about her that much. 

Today, when I went back to the only place where memories of my grandma and I together lie, I felt the guilt. It's killing me now thinking about it. I feel like I am the worst grandson ever to have existed in this world. I was raised and loved by her but I didn't show myself up during the last minutes of her life. I didn't show up in her funeral. She wasn't able to see me for the very last time.

I wasn't able to say how much I love her so much.

I wasn't able to say how much I appreciate her sacrifices and everything that she has done for me.

I wasn't able to say that she is a part of the reason why I am what I am now.

I guess, you would never know that it's too late when it already is.

I miss you lola and I love you very much.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


"Arrogance invites ruin; humility receives benefits."
(a quote from

I went to to look up the word "ARROGANCE" and then I noticed that has added a new feature on their site that allows a user to look up quotes.

Instead of looking for the literal meaning of the word, I just thought of searching a particular quote that talks about arrogance. I picked the one posted above because it's simple and it has a good meaning.

You see, when I was in high school, I tend to say anything that would hurt the person I was angry at. I would insult his physical appearance to every thing that my angry mind can think of.
I was careless. I was insensitive. I was arrogant.

I remember saying something about how smart I am and how dumb he is or anything close to that statement.

I would feel terrible afterwards.
That's how I become arrogant before but growing up I was able to learn how to control my anger and having to learn how to control it led me to know about humility.

Now, here's what I am wondering about, I used to become arrogant due to my anger and never really boast about something I know or something I'm good at when I am not in an angry state(excluding those statements that were misinterpreted).

However, what's the reason of those people who become arrogant in given situations but without even having any reason to be one.

You see, if you know something then share it with other people.

It should be for the sake of letting them know what you know but not for the sake of indirectly introducing yourself as "MR. KNOW-IT-ALL".

Man! If I can just tell you personally that you've already crossed the line, I will but I'm terrible with confrontations so I'll pass.

I was planning to write about this way back when I smelled the stench of arrogance from where he was sitting but just couldn't find the time to do so. 

Now, it's about time to write about it.

I don't want you guys to think that I'm judging this person.

This is how he acts and I just don't like the way he responds to things that tend to irritate or maybe hurt other people.

Sometimes, all it takes is self-control and thinking before acting. You may not be used to controlling the words you say but if you want to change, you'll do whatever it takes.

I still talk to him about school stuff but I'd rather keep myself away from him as much as possible for the mean time until the time comes that I've already figured out how to deal with his attitude.

To be completely honest, I liked his personality the first time I've met him.

He was nice and humble but I don't know. Things suddenly changed and he became a completely different person to me.

My reaction towards an arrogant person is normal. I am a human being and I have the right to feel this way about someone. 

Here's what I believe. Every person, including myself, has his own flaws when it comes to his attitude, the way he socializes, interacts and responds to the people around him.

I think these kinds of flaws can be altered depending on the interest of the person to change. You can be humble if you choose to be humble. You can be an optimistic person, if you choose to be optimistic.

Change is always up for grabs for those who want it or need it.

It's just waiting for us to own it.

: )

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


I questioned my heart, the answer was never set
It's about a feeling I had when our eyes met
I got myself on the bus and the thought vanished
Into the thin air it goes as confusion diminished

Looking outside the window I suddenly felt
Flames flowing within my veins that made my heart melt
I was completely clueless of what was happening
Tried to battle the force but I was not winning

At the end I had no chance so I let it go
It made me feel its a friend and not a foe
For the very first time it has come to my mind
Was it love or fantasy which makes things intertwine

I walked on as my shadow blends with the dark night
And realized I was no longer in a fight
Turned the keys and I was ready to rest my head
Dropped my bag on the floor and went straight to my bed

There was peace and silence at that moment in time
Drew a smile and savoured this feeling of mine
For a minute I wished this would last forever
A memory that I will always remember

The feeling stepped in as a wonderful surprise
As if a box with treats that came up with no price
Mystery was there but attention was not paid
I wanted it to stay and my decision was made

The feeling was afloat as I bid my goodbye
To an interesting day while I give a sigh
A sigh of true joy;a sigh of inspiration
A sigh of desire;a sigh of motivation

                                              -ers :)

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Something you don't see everyday when you jog in the morning

"Dogs are man's best friend but the worst enemies of STRANGERS"

Ok, so I have started to get back to my daily routine of jogging early in the morning so as to be back in shape.

Having these extra pounds have done nothing but contribute inconvenience to my life.

I have been doing this for a week now and I am glad to say that I have already lost 5 lbs so far just by maintaining a balanced diet and good exercise.

Yeah I know its a cliche but let me tell you, it WORKS!

Anyway, this isn't about me shedding pounds off my body.

It is about something funny that happened this morning.

So, this morning was like any other mornings.

Cold wind with a bit of humidity in the air.

Same faces.

Same houses.

Same route.

With my MP4 at hand, I started to warm up by walking.

I finished one lap by a 10 minute run without stopping.

As usual, I was profusely sweating like a pig.

I was trying to catch my breath like an exhausted horse.

Ok, so that was something usual but when I was near a place where cabs are parked and cab drivers get ready for another day, something took place that I never thought would happen right in front of my eyes.

These cab drivers own dogs. I think they have three dogs and they let them out every morning to do dog stuffs.

The dogs don't mind me passing by every morning.

Other than my sweat which they could probably smell when I pass by, I guess they have smelled me to be someone harmless and thought of me to be a "MIND-MY-OWN-BUSINESS" kind of guy.

However, it's something completely different when this lady who seemed to have just got off bed, wearing a shirt and jogging pants was walking passed the cab place.

I was on the right side of the street and she was on the other side.

As she was walking, she didn't know that there was a dog behind, following her.

All of a sudden, the dog barked loudly at her for some reason.

It was not an angry bark, it was sort of a calling bark. You know, when a dog wants to get your attention.

She looked back in shock and saw there was the dog.

In just a few seconds after finding out that it was her whom the dog is barking at she ran as fast as she could and went around a cab near her.

Of course the dog chased her!!

The lady kept running around the cab while screaming on top of her voice with an obvious fear written all over her face  as the dog kept running for her.

They ran around the cab in circles for a few seconds.

I was about to burst in laughter because I only saw those kind of scenes on TV.

It was classic comedy.

One cab driver tried stopping the dog by calling him but it didn't work.

The lady cut the chase by taking the sidewalk to completely get herself away from the dog who seemed to look like he just wanted to run with the lady but not actually bite her or something.

However, since she just got off bed, she was not able to lift her feet that high to be on a higher ground.

So....she tripped and dived onto the ground filled with sand and dust.

Her body went flat on the ground and the sound of her fall was loud and clear.


I was doing the best I can not to laugh at the very moment I saw her dive into the ground coz I know it will be mean.

I was not close enough to help her get back up and I was thinking if I draw near her, it will be my turn to be the dog's playmate.

So I was walking slowly on the opposite side of the street to see what will happen next.

The dog stopped running when he saw the lady fell.

I heard the dog say, "I thought you wanted to run so I just wanted to accompany you." LMFAO! :D

The lady got up with an apparent anger on her face. She shouted at the cab drivers and said in Tagalog "Ano ba yang mga asong yan?!!!" (what's up with your dogs??!!!). I think she said this a couple of times and just decided to walk away.

The cab drivers didn't utter a single word.

I didn't see where the dog went after that, I think he was somewhere near the cab where they ran around and was just watching as the lady walked away.

The lady went pass a guy who sells newspapers. She said to the newspaper guy, "Dapat sa mga asong yan, pinapatay, eh!" (those dogs should be killed!).

O...k...I understand her anger but killing dogs wouldn't really do it.

But I think she didn't mean that or did she???

Yeah, I know, maybe she said that because of the humiliation and the anger she felt at the time.

There were only a few witnesses of the incident anyway. It was me, the dogs, and five or six drivers who were there. hahaha.

When I was far from the scene of the incident, I started laughing my heart out.

I know I should not laugh at her, it wouldn't be nice if it was me who went into that kind of ordeal but hey! I am human, I laugh when I see something funny.

And besides, I don't get to see that everyday, do I???

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

What is LOVE looking through my eyes???

"Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail. Love is eternal.

                       -1 Corinthians 13:4-8

The very first golden lesson I got from love is to strengthen my patience and maintain its longevity.

This may sound embarrassing on my part but I'll just say it anyway.

I have never really fallen in love to someone so deeply. I got myself into a few and short relationships however most of them were just for the sake of experiencing how it feels like to be in a relationship but it was never real as far as TRUE LOVE is concerned.

I get goosebumps every time I hear or write the words TRUE LOVE. I don't know, it just feels so unreachable and unattainable and is more likely to happen only in movies and fairy tales. Is there really such a thing as true love? (...goosebumps....)

Am I asking this question only because I have not found it myself? A lot of people who can say they met the right person can answer the question inhabiting the corner of my mind for years since the word love has introduced itself to me.

I may hear answers from other people but it would just be words and words can't make me feel what love is.

But if you ask me the question, I won't have a clear answer to that.

Maybe, I will just stare you in the eyes or wear a face expressing the words, "IM CLUELESS".

However, I am not saying that I have already given up on love. I still have this tiny little flame in me that is ready to be ignited once love lands into my life.

Love is teaching me to be patient. To be patient enough to wait for the right person to knock on my door.

Ok, maybe there's this person in high school whom I didn't notice. We were close friends. We used to laugh together. Laughs at my corny jokes. I like the way this person laughs. It's filled with true happiness. I felt at that time was more of a competition than an attraction because this person's so focused in school (this person's really good in math) and so was I at that time.

We separated sections in high school and from then on, never spoke with each other even during high school graduation. I didn't really care because I did't feel anything at all that time and I was so focused on my future.

I never felt this before but we met again just a few days ago and that's when I felt a flow of energy coming from within me.

Something I never felt before. It's strange.

I didn't get it at all and I was completely clueless of what was going through my head.

I tried brushing it off my shoulder and realized its no longer in my shoulder but it has already found its place inside me.

Realization hit me that if this type of energy gets into your veins, it will be impossible to manually get it out.

You will have to deal with whatever feeling it creates.

The tiny little flame grew as big as the light of a candle until now as I write these words.

I guess this is where my patience will be tested. If things are meant to happen, it will happen.

What I am scared of occurring is the possibility of pain and rejection. If what I felt is true love then should I call it true if all I get in the end is pain and suffering?

It says love never gives up but if what you got from the person you love is a big "NO", "EEEEW", "I DONT LIKE YOU", "THIS IS NOT RIGHT", "YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE" or whatever they say to reject someone who is only expressing what they feel, should you let go or still pursue???

I still have lots of questions in my head and I guess I will soon figure things out as I live my life.

I just wanted to express these feelings that have been haunting my sleep every morning.

PS: You may be reading this article dedicated for you. You may think that liking you is NOT RIGHT but that's what I truly feel for you. I can't tell my heart what to feel and what not to feel. 

I hope you still remember when we used to laugh together. I forgot the things we laugh about but the images of your smile and your laughter is still very clear to me.

I remember the sparkle in your eyes every time you look at me.

At some point I felt like you were competing with me every time we're in school. Especially if its Math.

Now, you are very good at taking good care of your physical self. It was obvious when we met just days ago. I am so proud of you.

In fact, you are my inspiration in my goal of losing weight. You have inspired me a lot, I just want to let you know that.

I don't want to be negative but I know I am not the type of person you are looking for so I guess that's the reason why I don't have the courage to tell you what I felt the last time we saw each other.

This feeling may remain a secret forever and soon be buried in the past but I guess what matters most is I was able to express what I feel for you through this article.

I will always be here for you no matter what.

See you soon.

Erwin Morillo