Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I am braver now

     It's been almost a month since my last post.  Apparently, school has once again took over my entire life that blogging seemed to have been out of reach but I'm glad I have time now. 

    Semestral break came in a week ago but I can't believe I wrote a post just today. The coming of my tireless and sugar-driven 2 year old nephew who storms into my room without permission should take half of the blame. But then again, a child is a child or should I say, a high-powered child is a high-powered child and we can't do anything about it but to let them be. Unless, we lock them up inside a highly-secured facility with contraptions that can suck the fun out of a child's body. 

      Anyway, let me tell you, it was a rocky semester for me and by rocky I mean, there were really a lot of stumbles that happened to me but of course, I didn't stay on the ground for long. One bad thing about falling is you taste how bitter the ground is but the good thing about having dirt rub against your tongue is the fact that it makes you want to avoid the reason why you fell in the first place once you get back up. Or, you may have just learned that the next time you fall, just don't open your mouth.  

     As you go further in life, the deeper you know yourself and you become more confident in the decisions you make in life regardless of how wrong or right your decision may seem. 

    Remember that day when you were a child, the very first time you slid down on a slide. Probably the one in a playground or the one in the public swimming pool. There were a lot of things going on inside your head or in your stomach. You were thinking of possible consequences of what might happen once you slide down. If you were around three to four years old, you might not be thinking of possible effects of your action that you might regret in the future, but somewhere in the corner of that particular situation, you knew that you felt fear; fear was so close to your face you thought you could touch it. 

     Despite the army of fear trying to take over your whole body, you closed your eyes and still slid down. By the moment you touched the ground, the fear that was once trying to boss you around on top of that slide, somehow found its way out of you. All of a sudden, excitement stung you in the butt and you wanted to do it again. You decided to do it over and over again. You decided to climb up the slide without apprehensions. You decided to slide down without knowing that you wiped out all the dirt off the slide. You decided to slide down fearless of how your Mom will react once she saw your filthy white shorts.  You decided to slide down without your slippers on and forgetting how much your Mom hates it when you play barefoot. 

     Every day we make decisions in our lives whether you're a kid, a teenager, a young adult or an adult. Sometimes, we stink at making good decisions and sometimes we're not.

    What I've learned about myself from this past semester is that I have become more courageous making decisions for myself. I used to have fear behind every decision I make. I used to have so many apprehensions. I used to fear going down that slide. For some reason, I have more courage now. At the back of my mind, consequences are waiting on the other end  that used to scare me but I am less worried now as compared to who I was before. I still made some bad calls and I felt bad about them but not as bad as before. 

      I felt I have grown so much, not just physically but emotionally, mentally and spiritually and I feel great because of that. It just goes to show how ready I am of facing whatever awaits me in the future. I may not be the best decision-maker in the world and my decisions may still cause me to fall on the ground with my mouth open and once again, taste how bitter the ground is but it doesn't mean I can't decide to get back up and continue moving forward.

       It's my life and it's my call.

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