Friday, December 21, 2012

When loneliness calls

When loneliness calls, he realizes how empty and stark the sky can be, even with the clouds trying to be its company. At the back of his mind, he wonders if the puffy clouds are trying to befriend the sky or are they just simply passing by? He feels for the sky. Somehow he could relate to its utter desolation. The vacancy it offers is as vast as the distance between him and reality. That's what happens when loneliness calls. He tries to run away, away from the world that has spiraled him into misery. However, given all his effort and great hopes, he finds himself in the same dark spot. That same dark spot he found when his mom left him behind for work. He was six years old back then, naive, clueless and heartbroken. That same dark spot when people looked down at him with an intimidating and degrading stare, labeling him, Mr. No-Good. A blank look at the night sky craved for his tears. He raised his right hand and covered his eyes. He tried to hold his tears back only to realize his heart desperately longed to sob. 

When loneliness calls, he cries. Appointments and deadlines of tomorrow loses its significance.  The food sitting on the kitchen table and the running television are all left untouched, unnoticed. Mundane chats of his mom and dad, the heavy footsteps of his niece going up and down the stairs and the thundering laugh of his sister are usually a harmony of true joy but suddenly turns into a ball of nuisance. When loneliness calls, turning on the light in his room can't make the darkness disappear. No matter how hard he tries to get back up, for some reason, something keeps pounding him down. He wants to scream on top of his lungs hoping it would shake off even the tiniest hint of hope from his bedroom walls and rub on his slowly decaying optimism. He suddenly grabs his hair with both his hands and begins to pull with all his might. He's gasping for air while the pain from his mindless gesture starts to take a toll in his head. 

He carelessly drops his arms on his bed with an anticipation of a soft landing. With all the commotions inciting a riot at the back of his mind, he completely forgets that the edges of his bed are showing. The effect of his absent-mindedness caused his right hand to land on the side of his wooden bed. A curse to the air and an ear-thumping scream cuts the boundless rhythm of silence that seemed to take over the entirety of the night. A line of tears begin to trickle down his cheeks, curves to his neck and ends up drawing a circle on his bed sheet. He curls his body, wraps his arms around his legs and touches his knees with his forehead.  

At the end of that depressing ride, the voices in his head dies down. The tears that wet his cheeks dry out and the heaviness in his head retreats. He slowly opens his eyes and the rays of an awakened sun push through his window curtains. It's a new day he never imagined would uncover before him. From what he had been through that night, waking up in a different realm wouldn't be a surprise. He lays flat and tries to answer the trivia questions of his life. After doing so, he realizes that it's alright to feel lonely or sad sometimes. 

Finding yourself a million miles away from the world doesn't mean you can never get back. It doesn't mean that the world is already sick of your ways that it had to throw you away. Sometimes, being alone under the spotlight is actually an opportunity for you to evaluate your life and how far you have gotten since the last time you made a vow to yourself that you're going to go after your dreams no matter what. An evaluation of yourself would sometimes lead to opening up your regrets and disappointments and these would probably cause an incessant flow of tears. It would drive you crazy all night. However, the next day you wake up, you find the sun way up in the sky, scorching hot as it always does and a whole new adventure awaits the new YOU, the stronger and better YOU. 

1 comment:

  1. i feel for you. and it's nice that along with the new day comes new hope. life's like that, just keep at it :)