Saturday, June 20, 2009

A letter from the hopeless romantic

Hey, it's me, erwin. It's not actually necessary to tell you this but I'll say it anyway just to let you know that I'm writing this for you. We go to the same school and we see each other everyday. How are you doing? Well if you care to ask me, I'm doing fine. I have a new and improved set of rules to follow for my better performance in school. You know what I mean, I just want to go beyond what I did from the last two semesters I finished. How about you? I hope you're doing fine in your studies too. We both know how important education is so I'm pretty sure you're working your back off as well. As much as I feel like we're close enough to know more about each other but I think our worlds our sort of apart though. What I mean is that you have your owns set of friends and I have mine as well. Actually, I always get apprehensive when I want to talk to you. Why? Well, probably because I think you really don't talk a lot and I feel like you'd rather stay in the corner and be silent all day rather than converse to a person like me. I remember that one time when I pretended that I'm going to ask you something but actually I just wanted to hear you speak. I was running to catch up with you while thinking of the words to say and when I had that chance, I talked to you. haha. I actually wasn't paying attention to what you're saying but I didn't really want to stare at your face for too long that you would've noticed my true intention. I apologize to what I did. Anyway, I hope this won't sound awkward or anything but I want to ask you something??? Is it ok??? Well, I hope it is. I don't mean anything with this question, ok? I'm just trying to figure out something. Ok, so "Have you fallen in love with someone already?" Someone that attracted you the first time you saw that person. That very person who stood out among all the people flooding your eyes. When your eyes finally meet, you just don't want to keep your eyes off of that person already. Your mind started to paint pictures of that person as you turn your back and walk away. You suddenly realized that those paintings can't be thrown because it's stuck in your head. You're brain started to ache because of the too much thinking. Even if you're on your way home you still think about that very moment just both of you under the spotlight. Well, I hope this isn't too much for me too ask but I just want you to know that I just felt that recently. It was actually unexpected because I was living my life the way I think I should but then you came to my life and suddenly everything seemed to turn up side down. I don't really care about the "love thingy" before because I believe that time will tell me when to fall in love and I just thought that now is too early. I guess you know where this is going. I don't really have that courage to tell you how I feel about you so I just thought to put it in words. I don't even know when is the right time for me to confess my feelings to you personally but I'm really hoping I can do it soon before its too late. You know what??? I'm even contemplating about giving you this letter right after telling you about my feelings, maybe just to get you the idea of how shy I was to talk to you. To be honest, I'm scared. I've heard that a lot of people have gone crazy because they've allowed themselves to fall in love but they failed. After everything they've been through just to keep the love alive, what they're going to get back is their heart broken into pieces and not to mention those people who desperately needed to love someone but all the expectations they have from that special person were all wrong. Little did they know they were just blinded by the emotions they had in the first place. At this point in time, I don't know where I belong. I mean, I have to get hurt to know if I were like those people who passionately loved someone but didn't get anything back or those people who expected a lot but just got blindfolded at the end of the day. I like what I'm feeling right now but I'm clueless where its going to take me and that's what I'm afraid of. It's like driving your favorite car on the road but your eyes are covered. Maybe that's why I still can't find audacity to tell you face to face about the words of my heart. Maybe my heart is just playing around, probably one of the effects of haven't really loved someone at all my entire life or maybe it was brought by hopelessness. I'm not sure. I'm still thinking about it but as for now I am thankful. I am thankful because I never really felt something like this my whole life and it's helping me to sail through my life. I'm just praying that what I feel is right. That I've found the love of my life. As for now, I'll keep the hope alive until I find the answer to my question, "Is this really love because if it isn't then what should I call it???" See you. I hope that time will come that I'll be able to hold on to my guts and tell what I truly feel but I think its too early to admit so I'll try to conceal it for as long as I can till I find the right time for me to speak it all out. God bless you always and take care.

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